Tammy: Ain't Gonna Spread for No Roses

Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by: sredtop@u.washington.edu
Cast: [Dialog]

Mark: (laughing)

Bruce: Right....

Mark: You know, Tammy, I think you do rally great songs. Hey, here's my business card with my work number on it [puts it in her hand]. Here you go... you know, in case you have any questions, any problems, or, uh, you know, you just want to...talk....

Bruce: Right.

Mark: So, did you, uh, get the roses?

Bruce: Roses?

Mark: Yeah, the roses.

Bruce: Why would you send me roses?

Mark: Well, as a token of _my_ appreciation for _you_. You know, in case you wanted to get together late one night to....talk. You know....roses.... [leans down, lips puckered]

Bruce: [puts fingers to Mark's lips] Stop.

[music starts]

Do I want love? / Of course I do / But do you think I'm so dumb / That I'd go out with you?

Na, na, no, no, neh-eh-eh-ver / I'm, I'm, naw-awt go-on-na spread / I'm not gonna spread for no roses!

I'm not gonna spread for you / You gross old man / Your aftershave wreaks / You buy your tan

(She's not gonna peel for no buds, bud)

Na, na, no, no, neh-eh-eh-ver / I'm, I'm, naw-awt go-on-na spread / I'm not gonna spread for no roses!

I'm not gonna spread for you / You gross old man / Your aftershave wreaks / You buy your tan

(This girl don't put out for no foliage, friend)

[spoken]

Businessman #1: Call me...soon

Businessman #2: My wife will be out of town for 40 minutes -- let's get together and....talk.

Businessman #3: Hey, there's lots of bad guys out there; I can point them out to you.

Mark: I run a charity -- we collect panties.

[sung]

Talk talk talk talk talk talk talk soon / Talk talk soon / Talk talk soon

Joan of Ark never did / Laura Secord never did / Gloria Steinem did once / But then she felt sad

I'm not gonna spread for no roses / (Better dead than spread) / I'm not gonna spread for no roses / (Better dead than spread) / I'm not gonna spread for no roses / (Better dead than spread) / I'm not gonna open my legs for no roses / (Better dead than spread)

Do you want love? / Of course you do / But if you want love / Shouldn't it be your wife you talk to?

[Dialog]

Bruce: So, what do you think?

Mark: I like the new video.

Businessman #1: Tastefully done -- tasteful use of crotch shots.

Mark: Class act, hmmmm...

Businessman #2: I'd better call my wife.

Businessman #1: Me, too.

Mark: Me, too.


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video