Steps: Gay Marriage

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Joanna
Cast- [Setting: The Steps]

Dave: Butch?

Scott: Huh?

Dave: I've been thinking. Maybe Smitty's right about us... maybe we are shallow.

Scott: Wow...

Dave: Perhaps we should try injecting some political issues into our discussion.

Scott: [impressed] Wow...

Dave: For example: what do you think of the issue of gays and marriage?

Scott: [thinks for a moment] I think they should. Maybe... I don't know! [even more impressed] Wow...!

[Kevin enters and sits down next to them.]

Dave: Hey Smitty! We were just discussing the issue of gays and marriage.

Kevin: [pleased] Oh, really?

Scott: Yeah... it's a complicated issue.

Kevin: What's so complicated about basic human rights?

Scott: I don't know.

Dave: Well, aren't we really just fighting for the right to be trapped in loveless marriages as well?

Kevin: That's not the point.

Dave: Well, I just happen to think that gays were meant to live in sin.

Scott: Yeah... it's hotter that way.

Kevin: Why do I bother talking to you two when you're so uninformed? Can't you see that because we bond outside the law, our relationships don't matter?

Scott: Well, mine don't.

Kevin: [annoyed] I'm talking about normal people, not a complete slut like you.

Scott: I'm not a complete slut!

[Scott hangs his head, hurt.]

Dave: Oh, look. Now you've gone and made Butchy all upset.

Kevin: [insincerely] I'm sorry, Butch. Sometimes I get so carried away fighting the good fight that I forget about the little people around me.

Scott: [Still upset] Oh, that's ok.

Dave: Well, I've learned something. I've learned that issues make people angry!

Scott: Yeah... [suddenly cheerful again] Let's go to the bathes!

Kevin: I admit it... I'm horny.

[They guys walk off together]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video