Incompetent Receptionist

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by:
Cast: [scene- Bruce behind a receptionist's desk, rocking in the chair like a kid]

Dave: [enters] Any messages for me, Michael?

Bruce: Yes.

Dave: Well?

Bruce: Ahm, a Mister-- Simonemfenn called for you.

Dave: Who?

Bruce: Sketelenfenn.

Dave: Look Michael, why don't you just write the messages down so you can remember them?

Bruce: I don't have to write the messages down. It's all up here. [points to head]

Dave: So you don't have to write the names down, you're telling me a Sketafetaheta called me?

Bruce: [pause] Yes.

Dave: Look, just write, write the names down from now on, okay? thanks.. [walking into office]

Bruce: Oh and your meeting was changed to Guesselent Day.

Dave: [turns around] What day?

Bruce: Guesselent Day.

Dave: [walks back to desk, incredulous] Guesselent Day?!

Bruce: That's *what* the guy said.

Dave: Michael, what's *my* name?

Bruce: *Your* name?

Dave: Yes.

Bruce: [pause; complete gibberish] Scah-felnensiumthanscienthiam..

Dave: Nope..

Bruce: ...Mister Scalnium tiom thion thonsiun tium tiempents. Thahn schin schompth. [phone rings, answers] Uh, Berman, Beskilen and Conten...

Dave: [in office doorway] BERMAN, BERMAN, AND SLOANE!

Bruce: I *know*. Berman Berman and... Sfrontzel. Well, do you even know who you're calling? [resumes chair rocking]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video