Pitiful Mechanic

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Lindsay Ragis


The scene takes place in a garage. It begins with a shot from inside of the hood of the particular car Mark is working on. The hood is up and Mark keeps starting the engine and glancing at the hood not really knowing what he is doing or what the problem is. Looking confused Mark takes a mallet and randomly starts pounding various places inside the hood. Kevin enters as he is doing this and takes Mark by surprise.

Kevin: (over noise) Hi Tucker.

Mark: Oh hi Steve, how's it going?

Kevin: Good, good.

Mark: So how's your wife?

Kevin: Good.

Mark: Yeah.

Kevin: Good.

Mark: Good, oh great. Thanks for stopping by cya (resumes to pounding).

Kevin: Tucker?

Mark: Hey Steve, long time no see.

Kevin: (confused) What are you talking about?

Mark: So how's your Missus?

Kevin: (annoyed) I said the wife's fine. Have you fixed my car?

Mark: Car? Y-you own a car?

Kevin: Yeah, my car, the one you're working on now. Have you fixed it?

Mark: Oh this car? Great car.

Kevin: Thank you very much. H-have you fixed it?

Mark: Is that the phone?

Kevin: What?

Mark: I thought I heard the phone.

Kevin: I don't:

Mark: Must be for me (walks away hoping Kevin will leave, which he does not).

Kevin: I don't hear any phone Tucker.

Mark: (in a sing-song voice) Must stop ringing in all this confusion.

Kevin: Look Tucker I brought the car in six weeks ago. You said it would take three days.

Mark: I haven't had time.

Kevin: Why?

Mark: I've been working on the car.

Kevin: (yells) Tucker!

Mark: (crying) I'm trying to fix the car. I can't fix the car. (pointing) This thing connects to that thing and that thing connects to something else. I'm so close though I feel it.

Kevin: Well what do you want me to do?

Mark: Can you give me a few more days?

Kevin: A few days?

Mark: I'm so close...

Kevin: (hesitant) Ok, I'll be back on Friday. You promise it will be ready?

Mark: Yeah sure Steve, be ready for driving (makes driving motions with hands).

Kevin: Cya

Mark: Cya

Before Kevin leaves, Mark eagerly picks up the mallet and continues to violently pound various parts under the hood of Kevin's car. Kevin appears irritated yet bewildered. He brushes his hand over his face in amazement and then leaves the garage. As Kevin leaves Mark again tries to start the engine. This time a liquid comes spraying out of the hood as well as a vapor. The scene ends.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video