Everybody Knew Who Everybody Was

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Marie (Ree) Panepinto
Cast: [Mark is sitting at a table in a bar. He has on a strange grey wig and speaks with an exaggerated Canadian accent.]

Mark: I'm saying, right, is that in the old days, right, the women knew who the women were, the men knew who the men were, the women knew who the men were, and the men knew who the women were. Everybody knew who everybody was. Nowadays you can't tell the difference no more.

It's like I got this buddy of mine, right? He married this woman, right she turned out to be a guy. So, next time he got married, he married a guy. But this guy turned out to really be a guy. My friend outsmarted himself. Now he lives alone with a cat. At least he tinks it's a cat.

It's like the other day right, I'm in this bar, right? And this guy he's watching me from across the bar. Now in the old days if a guy was watching you from across the bar, it's cuz he was like slow upstairs, eh? Or he had a wandering eye. He was staring at you, but he couldn't help it! He couldn't! Now it might be because they're sweet on you.

Look all I'm saying is that in the old days, the men knew who the men were, the women knew who the women were, the men knew who the women were, and the women knew who the men were. Everybody knew who everybody was.

Scott: So what's your point?

Mark: I'm just confused, that's all buddy. Just confused.

Scott: Some more screech?

Mark: Oh, never touched the stuff.


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video