Melanie: Rollerblades

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Dreambox95@aol.com
Cast- [Show park, Mark attempting to skate, joggers knock him down]

[Onlookers laugh]

[Dave skates up]

Dave: Hey, little rollerblader, are you okay?

Mark: Yeah. Those guys knocked me down.

Dave: Oh, damn joggers. They think they own these paths.

Mark: Yeah.

Dave: Why don't you sit down and do up your skates properly?

Mark: Okay.

Dave: So, how long you been rollerblading?

Mark: About five hours.

Dave: That's what I figured, five, five and a half.

Mark: Hey, when you first started rollerblading, did you used to like, like...

Dave: Fall down alot? [smugly] Yes I did.

Mark: What did you do before you started rollerblading?

Dave: Nothing. It took rollerblading to make me realize I was doing...nothing.

Mark: Wow.

[Dave shrugs off jacket]

Dave: So, what do you think of my t-shirt?

Mark: "Ask me about rollerblading races", yeah it's great.

[Dave leans over]

Mark: Oh, did you do rollerblading races?

[Dave shrugs t-shirt back on]

Dave: Good question, yeah. I did a couple of seasons of those races, yeah. But they got too commercial.

Mark: Oh.

Dave: Yeah, now I go to this rollerblading retreat. Last time they took us down this canyon trail. It was just so beautiful, I had to...cry out, "I'm rollerblading," and...how old are you?

Mark: Eighteenish?

Dave: [continuing] And it came echoing back...I'm rollerblading, I'm rollerblading, I'm roller..blading.

Mark: Oh, God, I love echoes.

Dave: I thought you might. What's your name?

Mark: [Shyly] Melanie.

Dave: Melanie...

Mark: What's your name?

Dave: [Confidently] Gunter.

Mark: Gunter?

Dave: Yeah. I changed it when I got into rollerblading.

Kevin: Hey, will you guys stop talking about rollerblading?

Dave: Why, are you afraid you are missing out on something?

Kevin: Yes! [Runs off]

Mark: Wow.

Dave: There by the grace of God go I.

Mark: Oh, that's so true.

Dave: Yeah...so where you headed?

Mark: I haven't decided yet?

Dave: You want to try out that hill on 4th street?

Mark: No way, too scary!

Dave: [with a debonair smile] Don't worry, I'll hold you.

Mark: Really?

Dave: [nodding] Yeah.

Mark: Really?

Dave: [Now standing] Yeah.

[Pulls Mark up, silly sounding love song playing, obviously sung by Bruce]

[During song, Dave is spinning around Mark by moonlight, while he struggles to stay on her feet, finally Mark falls]

Bruce V.O.: "Each day that you...rollerblade, is your...Valentine's...Day-y-y-y!"


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video