Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by: Marie (Ree) Panepinto[A tiny oompah band is sitting on a windowsill playing.]
- Mark- Darrill
- Kevin- Darrill's Date
- Dave- Doctor
Kevin: [heard in a distant dreamy fashion] Darrill...Darrill....Darrill!
[Cut to Darrill and Kevin at a restaurant.]
Mark: Oh! Gosh! Where did I go off to then, eh?
Kevin: Well you're cheese is getting cold.
Mark: Oh, I'm sorry...I was completely gone there for a minute.
Kevin: Well what were you thinking about?
Mark: Oh you know, just listening to the band.
Kevin: Listening to what band?
Mark: Oh you know, when you drift away, when you daydream you always see that little tiny oompah band and you sort of nod to the music...you know.
Kevin: I don't see a tiny oompah band when I daydream.
Mark: What do you mean you don't see a tiny little oompah band when you daydream?
Kevin: Well I don't.
Mark: Well what *do* you see?
Kevin: Well I see lots of things. I see...things...I see people....
Mark: People?
Kevin: ...friends, or sometimes I imagine myself somewhere else.
Mark: [shocked] Somewhere else? How charming! So you take a little vacation without leaving where you're at? Splendid! Gosh, and what do you take for the headaches?
Kevin: What headaches?
Mark: Oh you know, those unbelievably painful headaches you get [stops to hold his head] just after you daydream.
Kevin: I don't get any headaches...my God are you getting headaches?
Mark: Yes, every time.
Kevin: Maybe you should see a doctor.
Mark: Do you think I could be sick?
[Mark gets a far off look on his face. Dissolve to the oompah band. Dissolve to Mark in a doctor's office. His back is to us.
Dave: [heard in a distant tone] Darrill...Darrill...Darrill.
Mark: Yes Doctor?
Dave: I'm afraid that you have a brain tumor.
[Mark turns around and he has a huge throbbing bump on his forehead.]
Mark: Yes. I was afraid that's what it was.
Dave: You *are* going to die.
Mark: And with so much left undone. I have yet to visit Asia Minor.
[Back to restaurant.]
Kevin: [distant tone] Darrill...Darrill!
Mark: Hey! I just went to a doctor's office. Yes, and I imagined he was telling me that I was dying of a brain tumor! This is fantastic. A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.
Kevin: Well that's wonderful, I have to go. [Gets up]
Mark: Oh, you're not going.
Kevin: Yes I am.
Mark: Oh you're not going.
Kevin: Yes I am.
Mark: You're not going to go.
Kevin: Yes I am.
Mark: Allright, you go, and I'll daydream a little adventure for you using my new found powers of imagination. OK?
Kevin: Goodbye, Darrill.
[Mark tries to kiss Kevin, but he's already gone. Mark sits back down and gets a thoughtful look on his face.]
[Dissolve to the oompah band with Kevin playing the triangle.]
Mark: Oh yes......Allright.....Oh yes.....Work that love triangle.....Yes....Yes....