Cops: The Rookie

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Andrew Bridgman

Part One

[Caption: Police Department 9:42 A.M. Cherry Beach]

[Shows a rookie with Mark and Bruce quizzing him]

Bruce: I'm gonna ask you a question. A 703 is?

Man: Uh, breaking and entering.

Mark: Correct. A 419 is?

Man: Uh, drunk and disorderly.

Bruce: Correct. A 211 is?

Man: [long pause] Rabid dog?

Mark: No, it's a trick question.

[Mark and Bruce begin laughing while the rookie looks like he is about to cry and runs away]

Bruce: And a 408's a gullible rookie.

Part Two

[Caption: Police Department 10:53 A.M. Cherry Beach]

[Mark and Bruce are in front of thier squad car when the rookie walks up to them with 2 cups of coffee]

Man: Here are your coffees you asked for, sirs.

Bruce: Great rookie, pour 'em up.

Man: Huh?

Mark: Uh, pour 'em on the ground, rookie.

[The rookie pours the cups of coffee on the ground]

Mark: Thanks for the coffees, rookie.

Bruce: We really enjoyed 'em, rookie.

[The rookie gets a sad look on his face and walks away as Mark and Bruce begin laughing]

Bruce: Yep, yeah.

Part Three

[Caption: Police Department 3:51 P.M. Cherry Drive]

[The rookie is next to his squad car throwing up, there is a corpse with a bicycle next to it in the backround. Mark and Bruce walk up to the rookie]

Mark: [patting the rookie on the back] Hey, hey. First dead body, rookie?

Man: Yeah.

[Mark and Bruce kick him in his butt, he immediately turns around]

Man: Hey! What'd you do that for?!

Mark: What'd you mean? It's tradition.

Bruce: Hey look.[Bruce jerks head toward the corpse]

[The rookie runs away grabbing his stomach as Mark and Bruce start laughing]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video