Buddy: Virtual Reality

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: KdsInThHal@aol.com
[Cartoon of Buddy at the bar watching a stripper and saying "Take it all off"; and gets an erection.]

Scott: Whoops! [Takes off VR hat]

I was just auditioning a dancer in virtual reality. [looks at crotch] He's hired. I thought he was *very* sexy for a cartoon--sort of like me. The difference is: cartoons work for free.

This entire virtual reality ensemble was a gift from a shiek admirer of mine. Not an admirer that's shiek; just a rich Arab. The technology is still very crude. You can basically get the same effects from sitting too close to the tv. But then there's no hat! But of course it's getting better all the time. One day there will be virtual reality concerts. Imagine Liza; this close and *sweating on you*! *Scary*!

One day you'll be able to actually interface with other cybernauts in cyberspace. Which leads one to the obvious--virtual *sex*! That should be easy. Gays have been having virtual sex for *years* now! The only problem is, the people you're most likely to encounter in cyberland would be computer nerds and hackers. Trekkies with red pubic hair. [Much audience laughter and Buddy giggles]

Of course I suppose since the idea is to leave the body behind, you could be anybody you want. I think I'd be a man. It's just more exciting to pretend! It'd be sort of like phone sex except less expensive and less dangerous. Well you know how it is when you're talking to someone on the phone and he sounds like the sexiest man in the land, so you go over in in the dead of the night really drunk, and he lives in a really scary part of town but you don't care because you're *really horny*, and then when he opens the door he's standing there nude and he looks like Burgess Meridith. This happened to a friend of mine. This would never happen in virtual reality, 'cause you never leave the artificial environment. Sort of like me. The last time I left the bar; I went to a bar.

Eventually you'll be able to get it on with all your favorite stars. I know what you're thinking. When can you have virtual *sex* with *me*! Well, you'll be happy to know that I'm already hard at work on a Buddy Cole program. It'll come in three locations: the bedroom, the backroom, and the bushes. What do I like best about virtual reality? *Smoking*!

[Cartoon of Buddy smoking and making an "I don't know" expression face.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video