Bruce: The Night I Connected With My Dog

Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by:
Bruce: I know what people think of me - I do.

They consider me a happy go lucky guy.. A care free sort.. Full of smiles.. Brimming with chuckles.. And what not.

Few people realize there is a darker side. Few people know that I have been living a sham.

Each night as I go home to my apartment, and my large bowl of popcorn, that I sit in silence with a dog for whom I feel nothing.


Maybe it's my fault for never having named the dog. See, I had him for 3 years and I just couldn't think one up. The only name that suited him was: 'Small Mammal With Whom I Live a Lie'

I've even given up trying small talk. Stuff like: "So? How's man's best friend today?"


"Boy, wok cooking sure is harder then it looks."


So, we'd sit, with heavy dreaded air between us.

And then, one night, it happened. I turned my head, and saw my dog looking at me. There we were, locked in a stare. Frozen in time. And in his eyes, I could see my human arrogance reflected back.

"How dare I eat meat!" ...I almost screamed.

(the room grows cloudy with the touching moment. They embrace, and dance about the room.)

... And as quickly as the moment came, it ended.

(dog burps)

The burp, like the moment is now gone forever. But as long as I live, I shall never forget the night I connected with my dog.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video