Transcribed from: Comedy Central[Scott knocks on the door of a doctor's office, then opens the door and peeks in.]
Transcribed by: M. Howie
Scott: Hello, Dr. Banning?
[Dave sits at his desk, looking at the contents of a manilla folder.]
Dave: Mr. Fanning, please, have a seat.
[Scott enters and sits down.
Dave: Well, the test results are back.
Dave: Afraid it's cancer. A brain tumor. Terminal.
Scott: How long?
Dave: A month at the most.
Scott: I've got a month to live. I'm going to die?
Dave: Not you! Me! I'm talking about my test results! God, you patients are all the same! It's always "how am I doing?" Well y'know, I get test results too! I can't believe I'm gonna die!
Scott: Oh. Well, what about my test results?
Dave: Oh, you've got an ulcer!
Scott: Oh, yay! Oh wow!
[Scott stands up and heads toward the door.]
Dave: Hey, wait a minute!
Dave: These files are mixed up!
[Scott goes back over in front of Dave's desk.]
Dave: Why - Fanning must've gotten in the Banning file, that's you! You've got cancer!
[Scott grabs the file and sits down to look at it.]
Scott: I've got a month to live.
Dave: Yeah, isn't it great! Now I know how to handle this! Well, Mr. Fanning, I've got some terrible news.
Scott: I know.
Dave: Isn't it terrific! What a relief, I'm gonna live!
Scott: Wait, wait, doctor, doctor!
Scott: It says Fanning here, but inside it's the Manning chart!
Dave: You're right, it does say Manning.
Scott: So I'm not gonna die?
Dave: No, Manning is.
[They both high-five across the desk, and laugh until the intercom beeps.]
Woman: Excuse me, doctor, Mr. Manning is here to see you.
[Dave and Scott giggle.]
Dave: Send him in, nurse.
Scott: D'you mind?
Dave: No, stay.
[Scott goes over in the corner and leans against a table. Brian Hartt comes in the door.]
Dave: [trying hard not to laugh] Mr. Manning.
[Dave and Scott start giggling uncontrolably. Brian looks at both of them.]
Dave: [still giggling] Have a seat!