Whores: Price List

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (herogreenlantern@hotmail.com)

[Setting: Street Corner. The two whores are standing there]

Scott: Well, the Incans got too big, and....

Kevin: Hey girls.

Scott/Dave: Hi, Rudy.

Kevin: Here's that price list I promised ya.

Scott: Oh great. Gimmie here. [looks at it] Oh boy..... geez.

Dave: [looking at it] Um.. yeah.. I don't... I don't know, Rudy. I mean, these... these prices are so high.... I don't... I don't.....

Kevin: Well, I've done some thinking. The only reason you two ain't high class whores is that our prices are too low.

Scott: Yeah, that may be so Rudy, but $200 for a hand job is pretty steep, eh?

Kevin: Listen, I don't wanna get all mushy here, but you two deserve the same kind of respect and admiration a high-class whore like Julia Roberts gets.

Dave: Rudy, do you mean that?

Kevin: Abso-TOOT-ley!

Scott/Dave: Oh Rudy, you're so sweet. [they both hug him]

Kevin:[after a few seconds] Okay. Back to work, bitches! Back to work! Hustle! Hustle!

[Kevin walks off]

Scott: 25 cent handjobs. Right here!

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video