Weston Esterhazy: 1972

Transcribed from: CBC
Transcribed by: handi@interlog.com
[Scott and Mark are in a high school cafeteria]

Mark: (bumps into Scott)

Scott: Hey, watch it.

Mark: Hey, I've got a question. How come in Cabaret--

Scott: Yeah.

Mark: --Michael York doesn't even sing a song?

Scott: Oh you retardo. I can't even believe you asked that. He doesn't sing because he's a dramatic lead. Dramatic leads never sing in musicals. They just have affairs with everybody. Even in this, for instance, with a MAN!

Mark: Oh my god. That's so weird.

Scott: Yeah. I thought it was very weird.

Mark: Yeah.

[They sit down at a table where two other people are sitting]

Mark: Hi.

Scott: Hi.

[The two people get up and leave]

Scott: So Virgil, did you study for the big Macbeth test next period?

Mark: Yeah. Did you?

Scott: Yeah! Jeeze. And I even saw the Polanski film.

Mark: Oh so did I.

Scott: Yeah?

Mark: Terrible acting, eh?

Scott: Yeah! Do you know what I thought would have improved it immeasurably?

Mark: What?

Scott: A little bit of recasting. I thought Lady Macbeth should have been played by Liza Minelli.

Mark: Yeah.

Scott: Yeah.

Mark: A real women's libber. You know- Ms. Macbeth!

Scott: Yeah!

[They both laugh]

Scott: You know who would have been great as Mr. Macbeth?

Mark: Who?

Scott: Lee Majors.

Mark: Yeah.

Scott: Yeah. Bionic Macbeth. (imitating a robot noise) Do do do do do do do do.

Mark: Or maybe like, Burt Reynolds.

Scott: Burt Reynolds? Hardly.

Mark: Well I think so.

Scott: Well I don't.

Mark: Well I do.

Scott: Well I don't.

Mark: Well I do!

Scott: Well I don't!

[Bruce walks up and sits down. He is obviously way cooler than Scott and Mark put together.]

Bruce: Hey Weston. Hey Virgil.

Scott and Mark: (with total love and admiration) Hi Bill.

Bruce: (to other people) Later. (to Scott and Mark) So, whatcha guys arguing about?

Scott: Well we were just doing a bit of dream-casting in Macbeth.

Mark: Yup.

Scott: Yeah. I think Mr. Macbeth should have been played by Lee Majors-duh. He thinks it should be Burt Reynolds.

Mark: Yeah.

Bruce: Oh yeah, you know what I just heard about Burt Reynolds?

Mark: What?

Bruce: That he poses nude in that chicksŐ magazine. Uh, uh, Cosmopolitan.

Scott: (enthusiastically) Yeah! I heard about that!

Bruce: Yeah. Apparently you can see his wang and everything.

Scott: Oh!

Mark: No you can't.

[Bruce and Scott give Mark a funny look]

Scott: What? You saw it?

Mark: No. Another teen reporter told me.

Scott: And you never told me?

Mark: Well....

Scott: Jeeze. What kind of a friend are you, Virgil Black?

Bruce: Well, anyway, it's supposed to be pretty big.

Scott: Yeah?

Mark: No it's not.

[Bruce and Scott give Mark another funny look]

Scott: I thought you never saw it.

Mark: Well, uh, it was just explained to me in great detail.

Scott: Jeeze! What else are you hiding? Boy.

Mark: Shut up Weston. Shut up. You're an idiot. You're an idiot.

[Bruce and Scott give Mark yet another funny look]

[Bell rings]

Scott: Boy. So, Bill, are you ready for the big Macbeth test next period?

Bruce: Next period? I thought that was next week!

Scott: No! Hah hah! It's next period!

Bruce: Well I'm screwed. I'm gonna fail.

Scott: No. Not necessarily, Bill. Why don't you just copy off of me and Virgil.

Bruce: Oh, that would be great. Then I'd have time for a quick smoke before class.

Scott: Sure! Ok!

Bruce: (gets up and playfully punched Mark with a football) See ya, Virg.

Mark: See ya, Bill.

Scott: Bye, Bill! Boy. Bill's a great guy, eh? Don't you wish we were that good looking and popular?

Mark: Oh, is he good looking? I can't tell with guys.

Scott: Me either! A girl told me!

Mark: Oh yeah? Name her.

Scott: Shut up.

Mark: Name her.

Scott: Shut up.

Mark: What's her name?

Scott: You're an idiot.

Mark: I'm not the idiot. You're the idiot.

Scott: You're the idiot.


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video