Transcribed from: CBC
Transcribed by: email@example.com
[Scott and Mark are in a high school cafeteria]
- Scott- Weston
- Mark- Virgil
- Bruce- Bill
Mark: (bumps into Scott)
Scott: Hey, watch it.
Mark: Hey, I've got a question. How come in Cabaret--
Mark: --Michael York doesn't even sing a song?
Scott: Oh you retardo. I can't even believe you asked that. He doesn't sing because he's a dramatic lead. Dramatic leads never sing in musicals. They just have affairs with everybody. Even in this, for instance, with a MAN!
Mark: Oh my god. That's so weird.
Scott: Yeah. I thought it was very weird.
[They sit down at a table where two other people are sitting]
[The two people get up and leave]
Scott: So Virgil, did you study for the big Macbeth test next period?
Mark: Yeah. Did you?
Scott: Yeah! Jeeze. And I even saw the Polanski film.
Mark: Oh so did I.
Mark: Terrible acting, eh?
Scott: Yeah! Do you know what I thought would have improved it immeasurably?
Scott: A little bit of recasting. I thought Lady Macbeth should have been played by Liza Minelli.
Mark: A real women's libber. You know- Ms. Macbeth!
[They both laugh]
Scott: You know who would have been great as Mr. Macbeth?
Scott: Lee Majors.
Scott: Yeah. Bionic Macbeth. (imitating a robot noise) Do do do do do do do do.
Mark: Or maybe like, Burt Reynolds.
Scott: Burt Reynolds? Hardly.
Mark: Well I think so.
Scott: Well I don't.
Mark: Well I do.
Scott: Well I don't.
Mark: Well I do!
Scott: Well I don't!
[Bruce walks up and sits down. He is obviously way cooler than Scott and Mark put together.]
Bruce: Hey Weston. Hey Virgil.
Scott and Mark: (with total love and admiration) Hi Bill.
Bruce: (to other people) Later. (to Scott and Mark) So, whatcha guys arguing about?
Scott: Well we were just doing a bit of dream-casting in Macbeth.
Scott: Yeah. I think Mr. Macbeth should have been played by Lee Majors-duh. He thinks it should be Burt Reynolds.
Bruce: Oh yeah, you know what I just heard about Burt Reynolds?
Bruce: That he poses nude in that chicksŐ magazine. Uh, uh, Cosmopolitan.
Scott: (enthusiastically) Yeah! I heard about that!
Bruce: Yeah. Apparently you can see his wang and everything.
Mark: No you can't.
[Bruce and Scott give Mark a funny look]
Scott: What? You saw it?
Mark: No. Another teen reporter told me.
Scott: And you never told me?
Scott: Jeeze. What kind of a friend are you, Virgil Black?
Bruce: Well, anyway, it's supposed to be pretty big.
Mark: No it's not.
[Bruce and Scott give Mark another funny look]
Scott: I thought you never saw it.
Mark: Well, uh, it was just explained to me in great detail.
Scott: Jeeze! What else are you hiding? Boy.
Mark: Shut up Weston. Shut up. You're an idiot. You're an idiot.
[Bruce and Scott give Mark yet another funny look]
Scott: Boy. So, Bill, are you ready for the big Macbeth test next period?
Bruce: Next period? I thought that was next week!
Scott: No! Hah hah! It's next period!
Bruce: Well I'm screwed. I'm gonna fail.
Scott: No. Not necessarily, Bill. Why don't you just copy off of me and Virgil.
Bruce: Oh, that would be great. Then I'd have time for a quick smoke before class.
Scott: Sure! Ok!
Bruce: (gets up and playfully punched Mark with a football) See ya, Virg.
Mark: See ya, Bill.
Scott: Bye, Bill! Boy. Bill's a great guy, eh? Don't you wish we were that good looking and popular?
Mark: Oh, is he good looking? I can't tell with guys.
Scott: Me either! A girl told me!
Mark: Oh yeah? Name her.
Scott: Shut up.
Mark: Name her.
Scott: Shut up.
Mark: What's her name?
Scott: You're an idiot.
Mark: I'm not the idiot. You're the idiot.
Scott: You're the idiot.