Transcribed from: CBCCast:
Transcribed by: email@example.com
[Kevin is sitting in a restaurant alone when Dave enters.]
- Dave- Laura
- Kevin - Miriam
- Man - Waiter
Dave: Oh, Miriam!
Kevin: Laura. Oh my God, you look fabulous!
Dave: Oh, thank you.
Kevin: Oh, you've gained weight since the last time I saw you, haven't you?
Dave: Gosh, I, I don't know Miriam, when was the last time I saw you?
Kevin: Six years ago.
Dave: Oh my God, has it really been six years?
Kevin: Yes, and you've gained what? 10, 11 pounds?
Dave: I don't know, Miriam, I really, I really can't remember what I weighed six years ago.
Kevin: 125, I thought you weighed more, but you said 125.
Dave: Then yes, yes I have put on a few pounds since then.
Kevin: Well, you look fabulous anyway. What do you weigh 135, 140?
Dave: Miriam, I'm not going to tell you!
Kevin: 150? Oh my God, you weigh over 150, don't you!
Dave: Miriam, could we just change the subject! I mean, we haven't seen each other in six years, we have so much catching up to do.
Kevin: I'm sorry, you're right. So, how do you think I look?
Dave: Fabulous, you look... I just so good to see you again.
Kevin: And how much do you think I weigh.
Dave: I don't care Miriam.
Kevin: Come on, guess.
Dave: No, Miriam I'm not going to guess.
Kevin: 108 pounds.
Dave: 108 pounds?
Dave: You do not weigh 108 pounds.
Kevin: Oh yes I do.
Dave: No, no, you don't.
Kevin: Yes, I do.
Dave: No, you do not Miriam, a thin eleven year-old girl weighs 108 pounds.
Kevin: I know.
Dave: You don't weigh 108 pounds.
Kevin: Oh yes, I do, I weighed myself on a scale.
Dave: Well, then, you know what, that scale must be broken. Yes it must be, because you could not weigh 108 pounds at your height and still be alive.
[Waiter approaches the table.]
Waiter: May I tell you what are today's specials?
Kevin: What the hell are those?
Kevin: Who put you up to this!? Who sent you here!? Get away from me! Who sent you here!?
Dave: We're not quite ready to order yet.
[Waiter leaves, bewildered.]
Dave: Are you okay, Miriam?
Kevin: Oh, yes, I'm fine, I'm great. Why shouldn't I be? I weigh 108 pounds! I have a scale in my purse, if you don't believe me, I can weigh myself for you.
Dave: That won't be necessary Miriam.
Kevin: Then you believe that I weigh 108 pounds?
Dave: Yes! So why don't you just relax. [Dave puts his hand on Kevin's.]
Kevin: Aaaah!!! You touched my skin!
Kevin: And your fat cells are all over me! I could be gaining weight as we speak! [Kevin gets up and pulls a scale out of his purse] There! I gained half a pound! Thanks to your fat cells! They're probably mutating by the millions! I gotta leave!
Dave: Miriam, where are you going, I just got here!
Kevin: I can't be seen in public bloated like this! [Kevin puts his coat over his head and walks toward the door.] Cow coming through, cow coming through!