Steps: Coming Out

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Marie (Ree) Panepinto
Corrections by: Amy K.
Cast: [Typical STEPS opening with the cute music and key.]

Kevin: I'm a little nervous today, boys.

Scott: Oh yeah, why's that, Smitty?

Kevin: My parents are coming to town.

Scott: Wow.

Dave: Oh that is such a drag. Oh God, I mean you gotta hide all your Tom of Finland calendars, your porn. You gotta strip your record collection of all your dance divas, and repaint.

Kevin: Well that's just it. I'm tired of the lies, I'm tired of the closet, I'm going to tell them I'm gay.

Scott: Wow...I could never tell my parents I'm gay, cuz I'm not really. You know, I'm just really sexual.

Dave: Yeah, how bout really *really* sexual.

Kevin: When did your parents find out, Riley?

Dave: Oh, my parents don't know.

Scott: What? Your parents don't know. How could they not? I mean, you know--you're so effeminate.

Dave: I am not effeminate. I'm just classy. I don't read gay, unlike you.

Scott: [in typical Butch style] Wow.

Kevin: How can we call ourselves grown-ups unless we're honest with our parents? We owe them the truth.

Dave: Look, I owe my parents exactly $770 from University, after that we're just good friends.

Kevin: Well I have to go. I told them I'd meet them at Pesto's at six. Wish me luck.

Scott: Ok.

Dave: Good luck.

Scott: See you later.

[Music starts and takes a lull.]

[Dave glares at Scott for a few seconds.]

Dave: I am not effeminate.

[Music starts back up and key comes up.]

Scott: Yes you are.

Dave: No I am not.

Scott: Oh yeah.

Dave: Why don't you shut up.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video