Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Tor Y. Harbin
Cast: [Dave is sitting in the living room of an apartment with a bemused expression on his face.]

Mark: [talking very slow as he does for the entire sketch] Hey, Tony, want to hear some music?

[He turns on a record player which seems to be running at the same speed as his speech pattern.]

Mark: [singing along] "Smoke on the water, fire in the sky". [He then makes the sign of the devil with one hand.] Rock 'n' roll!

[Mark continues singing as Dave glances over at the television, where the hockey game that is on is also in slow motion.]

Dave: [shakes his head] I must be drunker than I thought.

Mark: Here, Tony, have some cake.

[He takes a piece of chocolate cake and stuffs it in his mouth slowly. Then he turns off the record player.]

Mark: What's wrong, Tony? You don't look so good.

Dave: I don't feel so good. Maybe I should go.

[Dave gets up to leave.]

Mark: Ah, that's too bad.

[When Dave reaches the doorway, Kevin walks in from another room.]

Kevin: [normal speed] Hey, did you get rid of Tony yet?

[A look of surprise fiils Kevin's face as their scam is uncovered.]

Kevin: Sorry about that.

Dave: Look, if you two want me to leave, just say so.

Mark and Kevin: [Kevin joins in on the slow-talking] We want you to leave.

Dave: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave walks out.]

Kevin: Sorry.

[These next few movements are slow and quite exaggerated. At the same time Kevin reaches over to pick up a bowl of chips, Mark makes a fist, lunges his arm back and then forward. In a wonderful bit of timing, Kevin turns back around only to be greeted by Mark's slow-motion punch, which knocks him down and sends the bowl of chips flying.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video