Sick About Crime

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (

[Setting: A Crime Scene. We see various officers moving about the scene and focus on a detective (Dave) who is behind the police lines, next to a dead body.]

Dave: Well... let me have a look at whatcha got here...

[Dave lifts up the sheet and looks at the corpse. He starts coughing]

Dave: Aww..... Ohh... my God....

[Dave stands suddenly and runs past several uniform cops, clutching his mouth. He sticks his head behind a car and we hear the sounds of him loosing his lunch.]

Dave: [to an older Uniform Officer] All these years on the force, you know?.... Living with the filth and the ugliness of this city.... Makes you think you're tough. Then you see something like that and... ya feel like a green rookie and...

[Dave suddenly notices the parking meter next to him]

Dave: Wait a minute.... this parking meter is expired! Why, this car is illegally parr..arrr..

[Dave ducks down again to throw up]

Dave: I guess the law doesn't APPLY to some people! Ticket this car!

[Dave turns back to the crime scene and clutches his mouth again. He clutches his stomach as well and stumbles a bit towards a crowd of gawkers.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video