You Scuzzy Piece of Filth!

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (
Cast: [We see Dave sitting in a chair, talking on a phone]

Dave: What did you say, Evans?

Kevin: I said, you scuzzy piece of filth, that I know what you did, and I'm going to kill you for it, you scuzzy piece of filth!

Dave: Oh, I'd like to see you try, Evans!

Kevin: You're going to see me try and you're going to see me succeed. You are a dead man. I'm going to kill you, you scuzzy piece of filth! You are dead!

[They both hang up the phones. We see Dave sitting in his chair thinking, when suddenly the phone rings and he answers it.]

Dave: Hello? Hello? Evans is that you?

Kevin: [sheepishly]Yeah.

Dave: Did you mean to call another number, but then by mistake you called this number, again?

Kevin: [embarrassed] Yeah.

Dave: I do that all the time! It's funny, eh?

Kevin: A bit.

Dave: Well, bye bye.

Kevin: Bye bye.

[Dave hangs up the phone]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video