Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (email@example.com)
- Kevin- Smitty
- Scott- Butch
- Dave- Riley
- Bruce- A cop
- Mark- Another cop
[Setting: The Steps. Kevin, Scott, and Dave sit watching the Lesbian and Gay Pride parade.]
Kevin: You know, the one thing I resent about Lesbian and Gay Pride Day is the police presence. It's totally unnecessary. Gay people are peace loving.
Scott: Yeah! We don't even need cops!
Dave: I prefer to use the word "pigs".
Scott: [gesturing] Hey. That little pig over there is kinda cute, eh?
[Cut to Bruce and Mark, who are watching the festivities, insuring no trouble occurs.]
Mark: Hey, partner. I think that blond guy likes you. [laughs]
Bruce: [nervously] You think so?
Mark: Yeah.. he's doing uh.. what do they call it.. um...cruising ya, there.
[Scott winks at Bruce.]
Bruce: What should I do?
Mark: Well, don't do anything. Just stare straight ahead. It's Gay Pride Day
Bruce: Gay Pride Day?! I thought it was another one of those Blue Jays celebrations!
Mark: No, no, no. That's every second Thursday.
Bruce: Oh.... I like those.
Mark: [laughs] Yeah, me too.
[Setting: Same as before. We see a Christian Protester in a black suit now. He holds a sign which reads "God Hates Fags. Romans 3:13." The Step Men regard him.]
Dave: I think it's in Deuteronomy?
Scott: No. I think it's in Revelations.
Kevin: It's nowhere in the Bible that God hates homosexuals.
Dave: No, that's not true. No, it's definitely in there. It's.. um... "Thou shalt not... lieth with man as with... womeneth"
Scott: Or.. "It is an abomination against God and nature."
Kevin: What are you saying? That you agree with this guy?
Dave: Yes. Butchie and I are reclaiming our self-loathing.
Kevin: But it's Lesbian and Gay Pride day. Get it? PRIDE?
Scott: Ah, so what? I hate Gay Pride Day. Everyone is so full of themselves, eh? So much attitude.
Dave: Yeah. Too many dykes.
Kevin: [indignant] With that one sentence, you just destroyed 25 years of bridge building between a gay and lesbian community.
Dave: Yeah, that's right Smitty. I just blew up the "Bridge Over The River Queer."
[Scott laughs out loud at this.]
Kevin: With friends like you, the Lesbian and Gay Community do not need enemies.
Scott: Oh yeah? Okay.
[Scott pulls a slingshot out of his pocket and picks up a rock.]
Scott: Hey, Goliath!
[The protester turns towards Scott with a contemptful look.]
Scott: Read your Old Testament!
[Scott lets the rock fly, hitting the protester in the head and knocking him to the ground.]
Dave: See, Smitty? Activism can take many forms...
[Scott picks up another rock and fires it. We hear a muffled "UMPH!"]
Scott: STAY DOWN!
[Setting : As before.]
Scott: Hey, look! There goes Cher on Rollerblades!
Dave: Hey, look! There goes a Dolly Parton on Rollerblades!
Scott: Woah, look! There goes Whitney Houston on Rollerblades!
Dave: Boy, there sure are a lot of drag queens on Rollerblades this year.
Scott: Yeah, well you know it is the fastest growing sport in North America, eh?
Scott: No, drag.
Scott: Hey, look! There goes a leather dyke with her nipples pierced!
Dave: Oh wow! Oh, hey! There's a leather man with his ass hanging out!
Scott: Look! Here comes a mistress with her slave!
Kevin: You just know that on the evening news all they will show are the drag queens and the leather people.
Dave: Yeah, but there ARE a lot of them.
Scott: Wow! Look at all the hot guys from Bar Hot, eh?
Dave: Guess you've slept with a few of them. eh Butchie?
Scott: Oh yeah. Some were great. Some weren't. Whatever. You know?
Kevin: Hey look! There goes the Gay and Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Farm Collective!
[Kevin waves and cheers at them.]
Scott: Wow, they're ugly.
Dave: I'll throw them a bone, Butch.
Kevin: I hear they grow great pot.
[We hear a noise like two miniature, high pitched sonic booms.]
Kevin: What was that guys? Guys? Guys?
[Kevin looks around noticing the others are gone. He then looks out to the parade.]
Kevin: What are you doing in the Farm Collective? Well, it's good to see that they are overcoming their look.