Mad with Power

Transcribed from: CBC
Transcribed by: handi@interlog.com
Cast: [in office]

Kevin: Morning mister Perkins. Here's your mail.

Man: Thanks.

Kevin: Here's your mail, Mister Erickson

Dave: Uh, thanks, Joel, thanks.

Kevin: (bumps into Mark) Sorry sir don't fire me!

Mark: Fire you, Joel? On the first day as the new assistant manager?

Kevin: (in disbelief) What?

Mark: That's right, Joel. I'm promoting you. You've been mail clerk for 6 years now. I thought you deserved a break.

Kevin: Thank you, sir, thank you.

Mark: Yeah, yeah, now I'm gonna walk over there.

Dave: Hey, Joel, congratulations. I hope you won't forget your friends now that you've been promoted.

[There is a sound in Kevin's head that sounds like 'crrrrrrrrack. SNAP'. It is Kevin realizing his power]

Kevin: I'm sorry but i can't hear you, Erickson. I guess that's because you're from my past and as we all know sound doesn't travel too well from the past. You see, you are a big slab of concrete and I am a meteor, a meteor on the rise.

Dave: Are you serious?

Kevin: I am serious and I am dangerous for I am second assistant manager of the ninth floor in charge of requisitions and supplies and I have gone MAD with POWER! Hey, (in Dave's direction) aren't I in charge of all the paper on the floor?

Dave: (nods and gives Kevin a funny look)

Kevin: Quick! Get me 4000 pounds of paper, and I want it now. Think of it. All that *paper*.

Dave: (gives Kevin another funny look)

Kevin: What are you all staring at? Do you think I've gone mad, mad with power? Well you're RIGHT. Perkins, from now on you work under your your desk. (hits desk) I said under your desk, man.

Man: (goes under his desk)

Dave: Hey! What the hell gives you the right to order us around, huh?

Kevin: Don't bother me, worm. I would have you fired if I had a little *more* power. I've gone mad with my *moderate* amount of power.

Dave: Well, great. Why don't you just go to hell.

Kevin: Oh, I'll go to hell (grabs Dave by the collar) but I swear I'll bring you along for the ride. (lets go of Dave) I have an announcement to make. I'm in charge of the water cooler. From now on, nobody gets any water without my permission and nobody get my permission! Are you thirsty under there, Perkins? Well you can't have any! (takes some water from the cooler with his hand) I can have as much as I want! Ah hah hah hah! I'm not even thirsty!

[ON SCREEN: ONE WEEK LATER]

Mark: (in his office at his desk facing Kevin) OK. Lets review you first week as second assistant manager. Oh! You came in on time every day. That's good. That's really good. But ya killed Perkins, and that's bad.

Kevin: (has a tacky suit on with lots of gold chains around his neck) He wouldn't stay under his desk, I......told him to stay under his.......desk.

Mark: Ah, yep. I think that brings us to the major problem. You've been abusing the very moderate amount of power we gave you. I have no choice but to take it away. You're back to being mail clerk. Kay?

Kevin: You can't send me back there. They'll eat me alive.

Mark: (opening the door to the office) And I say bon appetite. (co-workers, including Dave, come in with psycho looks and torture devices)

Kevin: Oh sweet Jesus.


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video