Just One Guy

Transcribed from: CBC
Transcribed by: asekikawa@mail.accent.net
Players: Setting: Kevin: (clears throat)

Dave: Hey! Would you guys mind keeping it down out here, I'm trying to get some sleep...

Kevin: I'm only one guy...

Dave: Okay, who said that?

Kevin: I did.

Dave: Is that true, everybody, was it him?

Kevin: Yes, it was me...

Dave: I'm not asking you, I'm asking *them*.

Kevin: Alright, yes, it was *him*...

Dave: So what's your problem, pal? What is it, ya trying to be a big man, ya trying to impress all your friends, is that it? Hm?

Kevin: Can't ya get it through your head? I'm just one guy. I'm not a crowd or a gang or a mob, I'm just one guy.

Dave: Look, I don't care *how* many of you there are. I'm just asking you to keep it down so I can get a little bit of sleep, alright? *Thanks*.

Kevin: There's no one else here, just you and me - I mean, go ahead, take the time to count; one - done!

Dave: People... people we are never going to get anywhere as long as we keep talking at once, now who speaks for you people, who is ... your leader?

Kevin: Me, I ... guess ...

Dave: Great. Come here. Come here... Look, hey... I'm a reasonable guy, y'know... I think I've got some rights around here, after all I *do* pay, y'know, one forty- fifth of the rent, and I think that entitles me to a little bit of consideration.

Kevin: Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about your share of the rent...

Dave: Oh really. Well get in line, I'm talking to *this* guy right now... Look. I need my sleep. If I don't get my twenty-three and a half hours I'm cranky all day... So whadya say you and the other guys cut down a little on the rough-housing, huh? Thanks a lot.

Kevin: Look, I don't think this is working out. ah... I didn't know you that well when you moved in and frankly, I don't think you and I should be roommates anymore.

Dave: Oh, fine. Move out. See if I care. So what, we'll split the rent ... forty-four ways, we'll each pay ... twenty-one eighty a month - You think an extra forty cents is gonna break me? Move out.

Kevin: Actually I was thinking *you* should move out.

Dave: Well, whadya say we put it to a vote? Listen up everybody, all those who think this guy should move out, raise your hands ... Okay, now all those who think *I* should move out, raise your hands... Boy, you guys *really* stick together, huh? Mob rule, that's what I call this... Fine. Fine, I'll move out, but think about this: Who's next? Who's next up on the old chopping block? There's always got to be a scapegoat, uh? Who's it going to be, is it going to be, ah, this guy here, or maybe you in back... or maybe shorty here, huh? Just think about it, well, I'm outta here. Look, just - look, just let me through. Look just cut a path, would ya? Look just make a path, just cut a path, just let me through...

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video