Bruce: I Did Not Find Love. . .
Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
I'm gonna slow things down a bit.
Where was the love my horoscope promised? I have looked under my
mattress where I keep things, hidden. There was no love for me in the
corridors of power. I found no love in the bar. Just songs about love and
bourbon, lots of bourbon. There was no love in volunteer work, in "just
being myself." I found no love in bank line-ups, in the sports section of
my daily newspaper. I found no love in the Canadian praries, just farmers.
Farmers with their own problems, and used farm equipment. I did not find
love on the phone, just a network of the un-loved, with something called
"call waiting." I did not find love at Eaton Center, just bargain hunters,
bargain hunting. I found no love at the Karoake club, I think. See, I
couldn't make it inside. Noone needs love quite that badly. There was no
love in the VIP room of the Big Bop. Just me and a bowl of peanuts, and
Bryan Adams. I talked to the bowl of peanuts all night, if you know what I
mean. Would you believe I actually looked for love in the health food
store? There I only found women buying steroids disguised as sea kelp.
There was no love for me in the day care industry, just hard women dressed
in pink. I found no love at the antique market, just hopeless couples
muttering about the family unit, the family unit, the family- shut up. I
found no love in burning the bottom of my feet with Cigarellos. Just a
certain amount of artistic satisfaction. I found no love in the
hollowed-out belly of a dead elk. Just warmth, and quiet. But then the
questions: "Hey, why are you in the hollowed-out belly of a dead elk? Are
you in there because of love?" And always, "You know if you're homeless,
man, you cannot sleep there." There is no love in writing about love, only
Transcribed by: firstname.lastname@example.org
Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video