A.T. & Love: Naked!

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (herogreenlantern@hotmail.com)
Cast: [Setting: Boardroom. Everyone sits at a table, Dave at the head with Scott then Kevin to his left]

Dave: Now, now... now looking at this very thick report, and Nichols? May I congratulate you on the... the THICKNESS of this report? I am very pleased but there are a couple things that do concern me. I notice that this product rates very well with women 18-30.

Kevin: [giggles]

Dave: And does quite nicely with children to 12-17.

Kevin: [giggles]

Dave: But unfortunetly does rather poorly with both men AND Women age 80-100.

Scott: [whispering to Kevin] You didn't did you?

Kevin: [suddenly calm] I don't know what you're talking about.

Scott: You DID, didn't you?

Dave: Danny! Nichols! What the hell is going on?!?

Scott: Sir, I'm sorry.. but... well... I have reason to belive that Nichols wrote this report while naked.

Kevin: I did not!

Scott: You did too! He once sent me e-mail while on the toilet!

Dave: Nichols. Is this true?

Kevin: Of course not! Why would I do such a thing?

Dave: I can't imagine. Look, let's just move along...But Nichols? No more giggling, all right? Okay.. Now then...On page 102 there is a very disturbing trend....Nichols are you getting an erection?!?!

[Kevin is leaning back in his chair looking quite pleased. He suddenly sits up.]

Kevin: No!

Dave: Oh damn it! You DID write this thing naked! All right.. come on.. Let's just push on.... Now on page 102 there's a very disturbing trend....

Scott: Sir? Sir? I just can't. I keep picturing him naked... it's just too creepy.

Kevin: [giggles]

Dave: I know. Look, Nichols... is there any part of this thing you didn't write COMPLETELY naked? Perhaps you were wearing socks or a single mitten?

Kevin: [giggles]

Dave: All right. Well, we'll just have to redo the whole damn thing. Daniel, I'm afraid you're gonna have to take this one, and I'm sorry... but you only have a week.

Scott: Awww... but.. but....

Dave: So let's just move on to some other business.... [picks up his coffee mug]

Kevin: [giggles as Dave lifts up his coffee cup]

Dave: Awww, you made the COFFEE naked?!?!

Kevin: [giggles]

Dave: Out Nichols! Get out of here, oh just get out of here! Oh my god! All the labors of some poor Columbian boy tainted by your peversion! Just go! Go!

[Kevin laughs uncontrollably now as he gets up and exits, shrugging a bit like he's saying "Aw come on! It's funny!"]

Dave: [picking up phone] I'm sorry everyone. [to phone] Bingo, could you get us a fresh pot of coffee, please? Thanks.

[Cut to the break room. We see a clown, naked but for floppy shoes, makeup, wig and bowtie. He is making coffee. Kevin walks past him giggling as we fade out.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video