The Lovers

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Renee Messick

Lovers 3

Cast: [Introduction Visual: Extreme close-up of Mark and Dave sharing a spaghetti noodle and a light peck on the mouth. Then cut to the lovers groping each other. Then just Mark's face, then just Dave's face. Cut to Mark talking in Dave's ear. Then the two is holding hands. Then Mark kissing his lover (not Dave but it is his character).]

Mark (V.O.): I've never loved like this before

Dave (V.O.): I couldn't imagine life without you.

Mark (V.O.): I thought about you all day at work today.

Dave (V.O.): I know.

Mark (V.O.): I was going crazy. I wanted to call.

Dave (V.O.): If I'm not with you.

Mark (V.O.): I feel so good around you.

Dave (V.O.): I have to admit...

[The lovers are seated on a couch in what looks like an art museum. Eventually you see that Mark has his arms round Dave and they are holding hands.]

Dave: OK. I have one I want to ask. Uhm, suppose that you were a chicken and I was an oven, how would you like me to cook you?

Mark: [leans in close] I'd want you to cook me so I was all delicious.

Dave: [Looking upset] Oh that would take all day. You.

Mark: [A bit miffed]: I wouldn't mind, not if you were the cook.

Dave: [starts to laugh] I wouldn't mind either. I was just having you on.

Mark: I know. [Scolding] you.

[Both laugh]

Dave: Don't be mad.

Mark: [Teasingly] I wasn't mad. Did I say I was mad?

Dave: No.

Mark: You thought I was mad though didn't you?

Dave: I did.

Mark: Yeah but I wasn't. I can't be mad at you.

[Dave laughs and falls back against Mark's shoulder while still holding his hand on Mark's leg. Mark's arm is around Dave and their legs are pressed together with Dave's body turned more toward Mark's.]


Lovers 4

Cast: [Introduction Visual: Extreme close-up of Mark and Dave sharing a spaghetti noodle and a light peck on the mouth. Then cut to the lovers groping each other. Then just Mark's face, then just Dave's face. Cut to Mark talking in Dave's ear. Then the two is holding hands. Then Mark kissing his lover (not Dave but it is his character).]

Mark (V.O.): I've never loved like this before.

Dave (V.O.): I couldn't imagine life without you.

Mark (V.O.): I thought about you all day at work today. Dave (V.O.): I know.

Mark (V.O.): I was going crazy. I wanted to call.

Dave (V.O.): If I'm not with you.

Mark (V.O.): I feel so good around you.

Dave (V.O.): I have to admit...

[The lovers are still at the museum on the couch.]

Dave: OK, would you still love me if I got fat, ugly, and old?

Mark: Do you mean if we both got fat, ugly, and old over time?

Dave: Nope, I mean if tomorrow I suddenly got fat, ugly, and old would you still love me?

Mark: Yeah, I think I'd like that.

Dave: Would you still love me if I was a man?

Mark: Would you still have a vagina?

Dave: [presses his lips together and looks Mark over.] Ooooh sure.

Mark: [Leans in close] Well I might drink more but I'd still love you.

Dave: Oh good. [They press their foreheads together. Then Mark looks Dave in his eyes]

Mark: Why do you think there are any circumstances under which you wouldn't love me? For all time, forever?

Dave: Well I'd have to assume there would be circumstances in which I wouldn't love you- I'm kidding!

Mark: Don't do that! [Nuzzles Dave's stomach]

Dave: I'm just kidding. I'm kidding you gullible monkey you.

[Mark is holding Dave's elbow. Dave has his hand pressed against Mark's chest.]


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video