Kevin's Sexiness

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by:
Kevin: Oh, so you're gonna leave me for this new guy, James? You're not gonna leave me. You're not gonna leave. Oh, you might *leave*...but you'll be back. D'ya know *why*? He's not sexy. I'm sexy, you like sexy, he's not sexy, I'm sexy. Yes I am. Yes I am. Yes I am. Yes I am. Oh, maybe not to Mister "Joe Average". But to the educated conniesseur of sexy, *I'm hot*! *I'm very hot*! Oh, maybe not to the person whose favorite group is the Beatles. But, if you own every Meatloaf album there is, then I'm your little sexy "Bat out of Hell".

Hey! I'm not right for the gal who likes vanilla ice cream, no, I'm right for the chick who digs pink bubble gum!

Oh...if your favorite Dustin Hoffman movie is "Rainman", I'll go through you like diarrea. But, if you love "Ishtar", then I'm your constipated sex star.

Are you followin' my flow? Do you get my drift? Is-you-up-to-speed? Let me put it this way. Do you know what I am baby? *Gargenzola cheese*! Lovely and smoldering *gargenzola cheese*! And like *gargenzola cheese*, I am an acquired taste - I will grow on you. I will grow on you like moss grows on a roof. I will grow on you like exema grows between your toes. Yes, I am all of that - and *more*! You just say the word baby and I'll be all over you like the hair on my back.

Woman: Bye. [She leaves]

Kevin: I think spending the rest of your life alone is *sexy*. Don't you?

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video