Dave Foley / An Elk

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Joshua Moore
[The skit begins with Dave standing on the stage, smiling.]

Scott (V.O.): Okay, let's clear this up. This is Dave Foley.

[Shot of Dave standing there, looking at the camera, smiling. He puts his arms behind his back. The audience cheers. Then, the shot switches to a picture of an elk.]

Scott (V.O.): And this is an elk.

[Shot of Dave, still smiling.]

Scott (V.O.): Dave Foley--

[Picture of elk again.]

Scott (V.O.): --an elk.

[Shot of Dave, smiling and nodding his head in acknowledgment.]

Scott (V.O.): Dave Foley.

[Suddenly, a shot rings out, and Dave is hit in his right arm. He looks down at it, and looks up at the camera, sighing in annoyance. Once again, the picture of the elk appears on the screen.]

Scott (V.O.): Okay, lets go over this again. An elk has four legs--

[Shot of Dave, looking at the gunshot, which is bleeding profusely.]

Scott (V.O.): --While Dave Foley has two legs.

[Suddenly, Dave gets shot again, this time in his left shin. Dave flinches slightly, then curses under his breath.]

Scott (V.O.): Dave Foley lives in a house--

[Shot of suburban house]

Scott (V.O.): --a house.

[Shot of elk]

Scott (V.O.): While an elk lives in the forest.

[Shot of a forest floor. Another shot rings out, and the sound of birds flapping their wings is heard.]

Scott (V.O.): Look, you just aren't getting this, are you?

[Shot of Dave standing with the assistance of a crutch on his left side. His shin is bleeding, badly.]

Scott (V.O.): This is Dave Foley--

[Dave gets shot again, in his left arm.]

[Shot of elk.]

Scott (V.O.): And this is an elk.

[Close-up shot of Dave, looking worriedly, at the camera. He shakes his head, scared. Suddenly, outlines of gunshots appear on the screen, near Dave's face, and the screen shatters, leaving nothing but black.]

Scott (V.O.): [sighs] Well, that doesn't matter very much anymore, now does it?

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video