Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast-
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison
[Setting: An office. Kevin sits at a desk, working.]
- Dave- Ben
- Kevin- Roger the Ex-Boss
- Mark- Winters
[Dave enters the office, followed by a man holding a video camera. Kevin looks up and seems a bit surprised.]
Kevin: Ben? What can I do for you?
Dave: Roger, I know we haven't spoken to each other in some time, but there's a favor I'd like to ask of you.
Kevin: Sure. Of course. I told you if there was anything I could ever do to help...
Dave: That's very kind of you, Roger. Now this is my friend and neighbor, Larry. [motions to man with camera].
Kevin: [nods] Pleased to meet you, Larry.
Dave: Now, Roger. I'm making a document of... my life. A chronicle of one man's pain. I am trying to recreate some of the moments that have made me what I am today.
Dave: I'd like to recreate the moment that... um... you fired me, Roger.
Kevin: [stammering] Ben, are you sure this is what you want?
Dave: This is very important to me, Roger.
Kevin: I don't even remember that was months ago and...
[Dave throws a script down on the desk. Kevin picks it up and flips through it.]
Kevin: I see... a script. Well... allright... I assume I am 'Boss' and you are 'Everyman'?
Dave: Yes. Ready? [looks at Larry] Allright. And... ACTION!
[During this next bit, as we cut between Kevin and Dave, everytime Kevin says a line, we see him in black and white, through the view of the camera.]
Dave: Yes sir, you wanted to see me?
Kevin: Yes. Come in, have a seat.
Dave: I see that something is troubling you.
Kevin: This hurts me... and it chaffs me...
Dave: I understand...
Kevin: [suddenly, as he reads down the script] I didn't say this!
Dave: CUT! [looks at Kevin] Cut! I'm sorry. I thought you said you didn't remember?
Kevin: I remember I didn't say any of this!
Dave: Okay, I didn't want to have to tell you this, but... um... HBO has expressed interest in my story. So...
Kevin: Is it money that you need?
Dave: It's not about money! It's about one man's metamorphosis! It's about a man's death and rebirth! Allright?
Kevin: Fine... allright... I'll say it. This isn't about...
Dave: Wait for it! [turns to Larry and nods] And... ACTION!
Kevin: This isn't about you and me. I think that given enough time you could revitalize this tired organization and lead us all boldly into a new era.
Dave: I didn't know you felt that way. In fact, there were even times when I felt ignored.
Kevin: Never ignored, never! But there are men... powerful men who have watched you with jealous, fearful eyes... Jesus!
[Dave glares at Kevin, who sighs and continues.]
Kevin: They would have me cast you into the wilderness; a lonely life, wandering a dark world.
Dave: And you would protect me? At the risk of your own livelihood? [puts a hand on Kevin's shoulder] You are a good and noble friend, but I cannot allow you to make this sacrifice. No, it is better that I go now. Do not try to stop me... farewell. [Dave stands and looks to the camera] And... CUT! Thank you, Roger. That was wonderful.
Kevin: [standing] You know, Ben? I don't remember verbatim what was said, but I do remember that you called me a pushead. And I also have a vague recollection of having to call security because you were trying to induce yourself to vomit on my desk.
Dave: Well... I guess we all view the past through our own personal prisms.
Kevin: Get out of my office!
Dave: I'd love to Roger, but I'm afraid I have to go.
[Dave and Larry exit. Kevin reaches for the phone and hits a button on it.]
Kevin: Hazel? Could you please send Winters in here?
[Kevin sighs as Mark, enters.]
Kevin: Winters, have a seat.
Kevin: This is the hardest part of the job...
[Suddenly inspired, Kevin looks at the script, still on his desk, and reads from it.]
Kevin: But there are men... powerful men who have watched you with jealous, fearful eyes.
Mark: [smiling] I KNEW it!
Kevin: This hurts me, and chaffs me...