Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (email@example.com)
[Setting: We first see a multi-colored poster, for "AIDS Aid". We cut to a stage. Scott is on it, holding a piece of paper and reading from it.]
- Scott- Himself
- Man- Scott's Fan
- Mark- David the Angel
SUBMITTER'S NOTE: I'm not sure of the spellings so I apologize to the spirits of those mentioned and their loved ones.
Scott: David Farsi. Stephen Jenkins. Byron Tranter. Jason Plant. Christine Cringle. David Tanner. Peter Popolis. Pharaoh. Antonio Chamino. David Parker. Lincoln Starr. Steven Green. Bill Wong....
[A Little Later: Scott is stepping off the stage. A young man walks up to him.]
Man: Excuse me, Scott?
Man: [nervously] I mean, Mr Thompson?
Man: Listen... I just wanted to thank you. First of all, for being so open.
Scott: [confused] Hmm?
Man: [whispering] Openly gay.
Scott: [whispering back] Oh. No problem.
Man: And second of all, for what you did tonight. I mean, when you read off that list of names of all the gay men that you knew that died of AIDS? It was so powerful!
Scott: Thank you. I really wanted to do something... powerful.
Man: Oh, it was. It was really powerful. Listen, can I get your autograph?
Scott: Yeah, sure. [gets a piece of paper and signs it] No problem. Okay?
Man: You know, can I get a hug?
Scott: [smiles] Yeah, sure. [hugs the man]
Man: Can I touch your penis?
Scott: No. [shakes head as the man walks off]
Scott: [calling after] I mean yes! [muttering] Darn!
[Cut to: A Dressing Room.]
[Scott is fixing his makeup when a pink glow appears around the mirror. We see Mark, a rather flamboyant looking man with wings].
[Scott looks up and screams startledly. Mark does as well. The two do it several times in counter point until they calm down]
Mark: In the ectoplasm.
Scott: But you're...
Scott: So... how's the afterlife?
Mark: Well... it's a lot like Vancouver.
Scott: I knew it.
Mark: I saw the AIDS special you did tonight with Cynthia Dale. And might I say she's looking fabulous.
Scott: [pulls back his face skin with his hands] Surgery.
Mark: And I thought that when you read out that list of names, it was TRES TRES powerful!
Scott: Thank you. Yeah... I REALLY wanted to do something....
Mark: Shut up!
Mark: Scott, a few of us noticed that your list was.. how shall we say... Incomplet.
Scott: [sheepishly] Oh... I forgot your name, didn't I?
Mark: Yes. And frankly, you made me look like a fool. I told everyboyd here that I knew you! And when you read out that list of names and I wasn't on it, I felt humiliated! And now they all think that I'm a liar! And they're teasing me that I died of cancer!
Scott: [apologetic] Look, I was really unprepared. I wrote the list that night on a napkin.
Mark: Yes. I noticed. Still putting catsup on shrimp, I see.
Scott: What can I say? I'm a goof.
Mark: Yes, you are. Now I don't want to harp on this...
[harp music begins to play in background. Mark rolls his eyes]
Mark: [mock exasperation] Cherubs! But, it's odd that you would forget me, don't you think? Seeing as how I'm the model for your big hit, character Buddy Cole?!?!
Scott: Well.......not really.
Mark: Yes, really! Who taught you how to lisp? Truman Capote?
Mark: No he didn't! [smiles] We've become friends.
Mark: So tell me... what happened?
Scott: [sighs] Well... okay... um.. well, I already had three Davids on the list. And I didn't want everybody to think that all gay men were named David.
Mark: Well, why not call me "Davey"? Or by my drag name: Jenny Craig?
Scott: I'm sorry... how can I make it up to you?
Mark: Well.... you can write up this little encounter as a sketch on your TV Show.
Scott: [nods] Yes.
Mark: And Scott?
Mark: Get Mark to play me. He's the most talented anyway.
[pause as Scott appears to think it over]
Scott: Okay. [put his hand out] Let's shake.
Mark: I don't shake... I dissolve. [his image dissolves away]
Scott: Wait! Don't go! What does God look like?!
Mark: [fading] Oprah!
Scott: I knew it!