Cops: Did You Kill That Guy? - The Conclusion

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison

Part One

[Setting: Interview Room]

[The POLICE DEPARTMENT logo appears and 10:00 AM PRECINCT HOUSE runs across the screen. We then hear a disembodied voice (Kevin).]

Kevin (V.O.): Here are some scenes from last week's episode.

[We cut inside the room and see the two cops hovering around their suspect]

Mark: [leaning over table] Did you kill that guy?

Scott: [sitting calmly] Nope.

Bruce: [leaning over table] Did you kill that guy?

Scott: [still sitting calmly] Nope.

[We cut to a different shot, with one cop on each side of Scott. Bruce is facing away from Scott, but suddenly spins around]

Bruce: Hey.. did ya kill that guy?

Scott: [spinning around to face Bruce] No!

[Cut to a shot of Bruce riding Mark piggy-back (no pun intended what with the cops giving piggy-back..... uh, never mind)]

Bruce: Did you kill that guy?

Scott: Nope.

[Cut back to the two cops standing on either side of Scott.]

Mark: [points up] Hey look!

[Scott looks up]

Mark: Did you kill that guy?

Scott: Nope.

[Cut to Bruce and Mark facing away from Scott, standing in front of him.]

Bruce and Mark: [spin around to face Scott, singing the words] Did you kill that guy?

Scott: Nope.

[Cut back outside the Interview Room, where we do a zoom on the door as Kevin speaks]

Kevin (V.O.): And now, this weeks exciting conclusion.

[Cut to inside the room. Bruce and Mark are sitting on table.]

Mark: Did you kill that guy?

Scott: Nope.

Bruce: Damn, this guys tough.

[Bruce and Mark get off the table and move around to either side of Mark.]

[Bruce looks at Scott quizzingly.]

Bruce: Hmm?

Part Two


[Scott takes a long drag on a cigarette and exhales the smoke at Mark]

[Mark takes a long drag on a cigarette and appears to savor the taste]

[Bruce is also smoking a cigarette, but he turns his head to blow the smoke away from the others. As he does, he notices a third cop (Dave) sitting in a chair to his left.]

Bruce: What the hell are you doing here?

Dave: Only place I can smoke.

[The two cops nod and go back to their cigarettes.]

Part Four


[We hear the sounds of someone being hit with something as we focus on a lamp]

[Cut to: The door. Dave, the same guy as before, enters the room]

Dave: You boys done with my phone book?

[Cut to: Bruce and Dave, holding the phone book over Scott's face. Scott appears to be tied to the chair. They each have a fist raised and Bruce was about to punch the book.]

Mark: [taking book away from Scott] Um... sure! Yeah! We.. found the number we were looking for.

Dave: Great. Great. Great. Oh, by the way... Did you hear they found the guy that killed that other guy?

[Bruce and Mark look at each other, stunned.]

Bruce: Yeah.... we heard.

Mark: Yeah. We knew.

Dave: [points at Scott] So what's this guy's story?

[We get a quick shot of Scott. A trickle of blood is coming from his mouth]

Bruce: Um... he's a friend from high school.

Mark: High school, yeah.

Bruce: We were just reminising about... the overhead projector.

[Mark nods at this as does Dave.]

Scott: You stupid pigs!

[Dave reaches for his gun, but Mark stops him.]

Mark: Umm..he was always the class clown.

[Mark and Bruce fake laugh as Dave joins in]

Scott: I'm going to sue you pigs for police brutality!

[The three cops laugh at this as Dave exits.]

[Scott begins to jump up and down, still tied to the chair, laughing madly]

[We close on the two cops looking freaked out]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video