Dave: Communist Threat

Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by: stc108@psu.edu
Dave: Let sleeping dogs lie. I say, NO! And you know what sleeping dogs I'm referring to, don't you? No? Well, let me refresh your memory. Russains! That's right, Russians, ruskies, communists, COMM-U-NISTS! Oh now you remember? Well, do you also remember how a few years ago all we ever talked about was how the Russians were gonna take over the world, and how every household would be run by communisis and their filthy communism.

Oh yeah, we feared the Russians back in them days, and for good reason too, but now all I ever hear is, "Poor little Russia, they've got no money!", "Poor little Russia, they've gone broke!" Poor little Russia THIS, and poor little Russia THAT! Don't you get it? Am I the only one who gets it? It's a trick. Communism never dies, communism is a cancer, a cancer sleeping, awaiting the moment to devour our freedom, to devour democracy.

Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking this guy's just some right wing paranoid reactionary who had a horrible upbringing and whose father beat him every day with a Bible well maybe that's true but it never did me any harm! All I'm saying is, a few years ago, people used to listen to me. I fit in. Well listen to me now. The Russians, they're gonna try to take over the world again, don't you forget that for one second friend or else go find yourself lining up for toilet paper in some godless world!

There's one more thing I'd like to say. Killer bees! Forgot about them, didn't ya? Well that's just what they want us to do! That's right, the Russian communists, the killer bees, they're like this! (fingers crossed) So when people say to me let sleeping dogs lie, I say to them, friend, sleeping dogs...they eventually wake up...and chew out the throat of democracy! Don't you think I don't know what you're up to, Russia. Don't think that I'm unaware of the fact that Kevin McDonald or should I say, Ivan Chovsky, is one of you! (K [muffled under gag]: He's crazy!) Crazy like a fanatic fox I mean! Down reds! One man one vote! ....


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video