Cleanest Town in North America

Transcribed from: Comedy Network
Transcribed by:
[Kevin and a woman walk into a restaurant]

Dave: [from behind the counter] Hello!

Kevin: Hi there.

Dave: So what can I get you fine people on this very morning?

Kevin: Well we'd like two coffees.

Dave: Coming right up. [gets two coffees from behind the counter]

Kevin: I gotta say, I've never seen a town so clean. I mean it is spotless. There's not a piece of trash on the street. Every store or place of business we've been to is extremely well kept. I am very impressed.

Dave: Well thank you very much for noticing. It's very important to us that we keep this town as clean as possible. You might say it's a point of pride. We like to think we have the cleanest town in North America.

Kevin: Well, you've got my vote.

[Kevin pours cream in his coffee and spills a little on the counter]

Kevin: Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

[Eerie music comes on and Dave's eyes open really wide. Kevin and the woman turn around and everyone in the store is looking at them]

Dave: [in an eerie voice] That's Ok. We just have to clean the whole town again, that's all.

[Dave leans down and starts licking the counter. Everyone in the store starts licking their surroundings. Kevin and the woman start to leave]

Dave: Hey Mister! You've got some cream on you! Stay there and I'll lick you clean, you filthy outsider!

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video