Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by: JZ3NIF@aol.com
Mark McKinney- Chicken Lady[In a mall, a little boy is riding on a toy horse, then suddenly stops]
- Scott Thompson- Grandfather
- Bruce McCulloch- Assistant Manager
- Dave Foley-Mother
- Little Girl and Little Girl
Dave: What's the matter Barry? [turns around, sees Chicken Lady]
Mark: Is he gonna be long on the horsie?
Dave: Um, I'm afraid my son hasn't finished his ride yet.
Mark: But I gotta get on! I gotta get on!
Mark: Because I have to do everything like I did the day before.
Dave: The day before? I don't understand.
Mark: Well, it's like, this morning, I got up and I washed myself in the toilet, just like I did the day before, and then I went to the bank and I deposited three dollars, just like I did the day before, and then I rode all day on the city bus until the sun went down, just like I did the day before, and then I came here and I drank two bottles of tequila under the l-l-loading dock, just like I did the day before...
Little Boy: Mom, can I have another quarter, please?
Mark: No, it's my turn! I gotta get on! It's almost 6:30!
Dave: Why is it so important that you get on by 6:30?
Mark: Cause I'm masturbating.
Dave: You're masturbating?!
Mark: Yeah, all day, and this is the last part, right? So get him off! Please, please...
Dave: Barry, don't be frightened, just get off the horse.
Little Boy: Are you Big Bird?
Mark: No, but I want to meet him, because the bearded lady says they call him Big Bird cause he's got a really big---
Dave: Shut up! Shut your filthy bird mouth!
Mark: Yeah, you too, eh? Oh! I don't have a quarter. I don't have a quarter, can I please have a q-q-quarter?
Dave: You want me to give you a quarter so that you can masturbate in front of my child?
Dave: I'm getting someone in authority. [Leaves with her son.]
Mark: Oh good! I need someone to watch. [gets on horse] Oh, excuse me, can I have a quarter, please, please can I have a quarter?
Little Girl: Grandpa, I want to see the big chicken ride the horsie.
Scott: Okay. Is this part of a mall promotion?
Mark: [nodding] Yeah!!
Scott: Okay. Here's a quarter. There you go.
Mark: Are you gonna watch?
Scott: Well, if it doesn't take too long.
Mark: Oh, great! [puts in the quarter]
Little Girl: Yay! The big chicken's riding the horsie!
Mark: Oh, yeah! [explodes]
Scott: Well, that was the worst mall promotion I've ever seen. Come on!
Dave: There it is!
Bruce: I'm the assistant manager of Baskin Robbins. Come with me!
[Mark explodes again. Bruce walks off in a daze.]
[Mark gets off the horse.]
Mark: Bye, horsie. See you tomorrow. [leaves]