Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (email@example.com)
- Scott- Husband
- Dave- Wife
[Setting: A Bedroom. Scott and Dave are both reading in bed, reading separate copies of the same book... Memoires.]
[Scott leans back thoughtfully.]
Scott: You know, honey? I feel a sense of emptiness inside, since the hazardous waste people came and took away those old paint cans.
Scott: Yeah. I've been thinking about them. Been taken away for weeks, you know? And now they're gone.
Dave: And you feel you've crashed?
Scott: Yeah. You know, I think my testosterone level must be very low.
Dave: [hesitates] Oh, I don't think that.
Scott: No? [grins for a second] You know honey? I think about garbage day, all week? Oh yeah. I dream about those bright orange bags... resplendent if you will.... Perched in front of the house like that. Yeah.
Dave: We're the only ones in the neighborhood that use the orange bags.
Scott: Oh yeah... I know that. But how long do you think that's going to last? I mean, someone in the neighborhood is bound to catch on. I mean, you can get those bags anywhere now.
Scott: Hmm.. [pauses] We've never had multiple orgasms.
Dave: [pauses] We're not multiple-orgasm people.
Scott: [laughs] You think, honey, that may be we were and somehow we got blocked up? Or you think maybe we were just constructed that way?
Dave: Hmmm.. Well, we could get tapes. Video tapes.
Scott: Oh geez...[laughs] you mean.. SEXUAL tapes?
Scott: Well... [laughs] No. You know, I think I need to be alone with a cougar or something. Yeah.. just...you know.. just him or me.
Dave: Well, you'll need your rest then.
Scott: True. That's true. [Scott leans over as if to sleep] I think I've lost interest in muffins.
Dave: You have not lost interest in muffins.
Dave: You had one muffin that you didn't enjoy.
Scott: Yeah. Oh yeah, I guess you're right. I guess I'll just take it one muffin at a time.
[Dave rolls over to sleep and dims the light a bit.]
Scott: Can't help thinking about those paint cans, though. I just keep seeing them in my head, you know? I really wanted them gone and now that they're gone I feel empty. [starts to sob a bit on the last few words]
Dave: We could THINK about those tapes.
Scott: [pauses] Yeah.. okay... Goodnight.