Transcribed from: Comedy NetworkCast:
Transcribed by: firstname.lastname@example.org
[Mark and Scott kiss a girl on the cheek in a restaurant as a reporter takes a picture]
- Mark- Brett Sudelman
- Scott- Greg Sudelman
- Kevin- Waiter
Mark: Hey kid, how are you enjoying your newfound fame, huh?
Girl: I feel like I'm drowning.
Scott: Eh, she's kidding, she's loving it.
Girl: But people hate me.
Mark: Hey, hey, hey! Come on! You're a big movie star with a big hit film. Don't worry your head about those death threats, come on.
Scott: Come on! You know, it's a controversial movie and controversy sells tickets.
Mark: Exactly. Look, in your next film we'll get you playing a singing nun or a dolphin trainer and the fans will love it. Really.
Mark and Scott: Ok?
Mark: Goodnight. We love you.
Girl: [leaving] Goodnight.
Scott: Goodnight. Take care. Good kid, eh?
Mark: God, I'm glad that's over. [sitting at table]
Scott: Yeah, me too.
Mark: Oh! Do you want another drink?
Scott: Hey, do you have to ask?
Mark: Ok. Uh, waiter, two bourbons please, with ice.
Kevin: Uh, sorry sirs, last call was an hour ago.
Scott: Wha? Huh? Hey, uh, buddy, nobody told us.
Kevin: I told you.
Mark: Oh come on kid, you were joking. Get us a drink.
Kevin: Sir, I never joke when it comes to last call.
Scott: Come on! Get us a drink! Do you know who we are?
Kevin: I'm sorry sir, I can't. It's past last call.
Mark: Hey! Where are we? Nazi, Germany?
Scott: Hey what are we? In a concentration camp?
Kevin: I'm sorry sir, I can't. If I do, we might lose our liquor license.
Mark: [standing up] What the hell?
Scott: Greg, cool, it. Hey, come on. Take it easy.
Mark: Well he crapped on my religion.
Scott: Hey, I know, but cool it. You're going to lose it. [standing up] So what is it that you want? You want money? Huh? Is that what you want? You want, what you do want? [pulls out wallet and outs bills on the table] You want a hundred, you want two hundred? You want three hundred? You want four hundred-
Kevin: Sir, I don't want your money.
Scott: What? This guy seem snippy to you?
Mark: Oh yeah. Very snippy.
Scott: Yeah. I think he's a snippy little fag.
Mark: Yeah, of course Brett, this is it. He's a fag. He wants to get to the bathes. Make him a deal.
Scott: Ok. I'll cut you a deal. O.K. kid, you get us a little drinky-winky and we'll buy you a guy with a shlong like this, huh?
Kevin: Sir, I am not gay.
Mark: Ok. I'm getting sick of this. Show him the Ace Award. Come on.
[Scott pulls out an Ace award, both of them motion towards it]
Scott: Two bourbons with ice.
Mark: Yes. Please.
Kevin: [shakes his head]
Mark: The Ace didn't do it?
Scott: The Ace didn't do it?
Mark: Hey! What city are we in? Did we move? Is this not LA?
Scott: Hey! Where are we, To-ron-to? [they both laugh]
Scott: You're fired.
Kevin: You can't fire me.
Mark: Hey, hey, hey, yes we can. Murray Braverman owns several hotels in Las Vegas, bought his six-year-old son shares in this here restaurant, one call to Murray jr. and your ass is out of here. Now get us some drinks.
Kevin: Yeah, well, I'll take my chances. Now would you leave? I've got to clear this place up for tomorrow.
Scott: Oh. Brett, we've lost it.
Mark: What? The kid broke us?
Scott: The kid broke us. The kid broke us. I can't believe it. Streisand didn't beak us but the kid broke us.
Mark: Well I guess that's the way it works out. One day you're hot, the next day you're crap on someone else's shoes.
Scott: Oh yeah. That's the way it went down for Larry Silvers, CFA. Did you hear?
Scott: Larry Silvers, CFA.
Scott: One day he's a big agent making an art picture. You know, it bombs. You know, he goes home to think, regroup.
Scott: His kids kill him.
Scott: His own kids!
Scott: Ahh...they didn't recognize him.
Scott: You'll see. It'll be a big TV movie of the week.
Mark: Duh. Hey kid. You an actor?
Kevin: I dabble.
Mark and Scott: Ha!
Kevin: But in the theater.
Mark and Scott: The theater! [they laugh]
Mark: Don't be a schmuck! Get in the movies. [throws down a script]
Kevin: I don't wanna do your kind of crap. I wanna do stuff with integrity, vision, that have something important to say.
Mark and Scott: Ohhh...
Scott: So you wanna produce.
Mark: Ok. [pulls out a cell phone] Hello, Leo? Brett Sudelman here. Come on, wake up! We're ready to do that thing but we want you to finance a low budget indie picture for a hot new young producer. What? What do you mean has he produced before? No! But that'll make two of you. His name? What's your name, kid?
Kevin: Jeremy Flood.
Mark: Jeremy Flood. He's hot, he's creative, he's got talent, a lot of integrity. Ok Monday morning, right. [hangs up] There, now you're producing.
Scott: Hey. You're in. Ok. Now get us some drinks.
Mark: Hey, hey, wait, wait. What are you doing?
Kevin: Getting you drinks. Two bourbons, right?
Mark: No, no, no. You're a producer now. You don't get us drinks. We get you drinks. Sit down. Come on over here.
Scott: You just park your keister down there and tell me every idea you have in that little mind.
Kevin: Well, I have one idea I call "Grapes".
Scott: Grapes? I love it.
Mark: Hey, hey, kid, get back here. I can't find the ice. Come on. Does he have any ideas?
Scott: Yeah. He's got one for a movie called "Grapes."
Mark: "Grapes?" I hate the title.
Scott: Change it.
Scott: I love it.
Mark: Do you like it?