Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (email@example.com)
[Setting. A Church Graveyard. There's a funeral going on.]
- Bruce- Old Widower
- Scott- Old Man from Old Couple
- Kevin- Old Woman Old Couple
- Mark- Man from the Bank
- Assorted Women
- Two nurses
- A Bum
[We see a depressed Bruce enter a limo as an old couple watches him from the front steps]
Kevin: He's really broken up.
Scott: He'll be okay. He doesn't seem that bad.
Kevin: Well, at least she left him some insurance money. He's set up pretty well.
Scott: I sure hope he'll be okay...
Kevin: Oh, I think he'll be fine. Don't you think?
[The limo pulls off as we cut to Bruce's House]
[Bruce sits in his chair, watching two women in their underwear dance to some jazz/swing music. He wears a suit and looks quite pleased with himself.]
Bruce: [softly] Yeah. Oh yeah. yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's nice. Ummm.. yeah. That's nice. That's nice.. Oh that's good... oh, yeah.
[The women stop dancing]
Woman #1: 300 bucks?
[Bruce reaches into a paper bag he holds, pulls out a wad of money, counts out 300 bucks and gives it to the woman]
[The women start shaking their groove thing again]
Bruce: Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah yeah yeah!
[Cut to Bruce's House at Night]
[Bruce sits in the same chair, but he's dressed more casually. Two different women, slightly younger are dancing for him to the same music]
Bruce: [sounding a bit louder and dare I say it, more beastial than before] Oooh.. oh yeah..That's what I like... that's nice.. yeah, yeah.. oooo yeah.... Yeah.. yeah, oo... yeah, yeah! (etc.)
[The women stop dancing]
Woman #2: 300 bucks.
[Bruce looks confused]
Woman #2: That will be 300 dollars please?
[Bruce nods and reaches into the brown bag and pulls out a wad of bills. It is much a much smaller wad than before, suggesting that he's been spending quite a bit of cash.]
[Bruce counts out the money and hands it to her.]
Bruce: [a bit more franctially than before] Again!
[The girls start dancing again]
Bruce: Yeah! Ooooooh! Yeah yeah! Oooh ! Yeah Yeah! (etc.)
[We cut to the Outside of Bruce's House again. It is day and he has another two different ladies performing for him]
Bruce: [grunting and moaning a bit now] Yeah! That's nice! Yeah! Yeah! Teach me, yeah yeah, yeah.! Oh. Don't tease, don't tease! Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, Yeah..oh... Good. Yeah.. Yeah.. Too much.. yeah.. (etc.)
[The Women stop dancing]
Woman #3: 300 dollars.
[Bruce checks his bag. It is empty]
Bruce: Don't got. [motions to continue] Again! Heh?? Again!
Woman #3: No!
Bruce: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Again! Again!
Woman #3: No!
Bruce: Yeah, yeah yeah!....[spasms a bit in excitement] Again!
[Cut to later. Bruce is in his pajamas and looking at an eviction notice.]
Mark: Do you understand? The bank is forclosing on your mortgage because you haven't made any payments.
Bruce: [softly] Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Mark: Apparently you spent all your money? [shaking head in disbelief] Do you understand?
Bruce: [softer still] Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.
[Cut to a nursing home. We see a shot of a public room and then cut to Bruce's room where he has two fully clothed nurses dancing for him. Just a note for you continuity freaks, but one nurse is a middle-aged black woman and the other is a not-quite-skinny white woman. How low the mighty have fallen.]
Bruce: [grunting now, almost hard to make out each word] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah!
[The nurses stop dancing]
Nurse: [bored] Okay... that will be 300 bucks.
Bruce: No got. [gestures] Again! Again!
[We see Bruce be carrying down a hallway in a wheelchair. He gibbers to himself in a crazy, horny old man way.]
[We cut to an alley somewhere and see a bum with a bottle and a harmonica. He takes a swig from the bottle and begins to play on the harmonica while dancing a strange jig.]
Bruce: Again! Again! Again! Yeah!
[We see Bruce holding two coins. The bum takes one and begins his dance again]
Bruce: Again, again again! Come on!
[The bum begins his song and dance again as Bruce gives him the other coin and the skit ends]