A Whole Lotta Kids in the Hall

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All minus Dave: MuchWest (1995)

[Note: This is the version as aired the first time on MuchWest. There is another version missing some of these bits and with the addition of others.]

Bruce: Is Terry awake now? Terry David Mulligan's been up for 3 hrs. now, we're pushing him to his limits, let's see if he can do this interview.

Terry: Hi, how are you? And welcome to Muchwest, on the set of Kids in the Hall. Please introduce yourself to our at home studio audience.

Bruce: I'm Bruce Ian McCulloch. I'm playing Alice the love interest, which means I have to get in make-up all day, every day.

Kevin: I'm Kevin McDonald playing Chris Cooper which is really Kevin McDonald so I just put glasses on.

Scott: I'm Scott Thompson, and I'm playing a character called Baxter...

Bruce: Oh, is that what she's called?

Scott: Yeah, that's what she's called.

Bruce: Oh, see I didn't know.

Scott: These characters that we're all playing right now are the scientists, there's a core group of scientists who invent this drug that changes society. And there's Mark coming to join us.

Bruce: Speaking of changing society...

Mark: Which I'm trying to do...

Terry: You don't like bright lights, do you?

Mark: I likes big cities.

Kevin: What's your name Kid, and who do you play?

Mark: I'm Mark McKinney and I play Simon, the tallest scientist. That's all I've figured out about the character so far.

Bruce: And what do you have to say to the kids in North Battleford?

Mark: Uh...where is North Battleford?

Bruce: Muchmiddle, it's...

Mark: Saskatchewan?

Terry: It's out there.

Mark: It's out there.

Terry: You know what I don't know? Hometowns. Please! Just bear with me.

Scott: What does that mean - where you were born or where you were brought up?

Terry: Both.

Mark: My hometown is Ottawa, I was brought up in a lot of different places.

Bruce: I'm from New York City.

Kevin: Born in Montreal, brought up in Mississauga.

Scott: Born in North Bay, and brought up mostly in Brampton.

Terry: We are missing a member here.

Scott: Oh, yes we are, Dave Foley's in LA right now doing Newsradio.

He finished the movie early, he was wrapped early, so he could go and do his commitments down there.

Terry: Perhaps we could know what Dave's role was? What did he do in this particular film?

Mark: Oh, well he like all of us played a number of roles from very small parts, like the New Guy who just keeps saying stuff like, "We got it!" and "Let's go!" and "Zoom zoom!"

Bruce: His big role was of the hen: the Happy Hen who gets swayed from her true path, and then...

Kevin: You're ruining it! You're ruining the best moment in the movie!

Terry: You actually won't tell me, will you, at this point, because you want people to go.

Kevin: No no, he plays the Happy Hen...

Scott: Everyone knows the Happy Hen... already on the internet that's all they talk about is the Happy Hen...

Bruce: Yeah.

Kevin: Uh, he played a guy called Marv, and the new guy, and he played a guy called Zendik, a crazy religious cult leader.

Terry: Uh, we have to play a video - because it is Muchwest -

Scott: Do we get to choose it?

Terry: You can choose it, we'll start with you.

Scott: I can choose one? Oh, can I - this is so predictable -

Bruce: (Imitating Scott) Can I have ten minutes alone? I have to phone everyone, I have to phone everyone!

Kevin: (Also imitating Scott) Bellini, who should I pick?

Scott: Okay, I don't remember the name of the song, but the new Madonna one, where she's dancing in the little box?

Terry: That one?

Scott: Yeah, she's back to like you know what made her great...

(Much confusion over what the title is).

Bruce: It's called Poodletown, ladies and gentlemen, Poodletown!

Kevin: That's Poodletown, from Madonna. Comin' atcha!

Scott: From Madonna.


Terry: We are Muchwest and we are in search of the new veejays at Muchmusic. This is the national search and we have come down to these 4 finalists... so your hometown?

Mark: Uh, Ottawa.

Terry: And what do you want to do for your audition?

Mark: Uh, like you all do, sleep with Moses.

[Note: Moses Znaimer is the exec. producer.]

Bruce: No... the interview's over, the interview's over.

Kevin: Seriously, you slept with Moses. Admit it, right? You slept with Moses...

Bruce: I wuv oooo...

Terry: Would you?

Bruce: Sleep with Moses?

Kevin: To be veejay, of course.

Bruce: What, again?

Terry: Is there an internet page, I'm asking because I haven't found it yet, or haven't gone looking for it...

Scott: There's actually a couple newsgroups actually, there's 3, there's one that's run by a fan in like, Texas. And there's one on America Online...

Mark: Well, that's just the uh... (adopting 'computer nerd' voice)... that's yer standerd usenet group, alt fan kids in the hall. Or alt tv fan kids in the hall.

Terry: But do you have you own homepage?

Mark: Do I? No, but's Scott's getting one.

Scott: I'm opening a website pretty soon. Called Scottland. September 1.

Terry: Uh, Scottland?

Scott: Yes.

Terry: And in it we'll find...

Scott: Oh, there'll be lots of unknown *facts* about me, and pictures, and interviews, and I'll be going online and talking to people every couple of weeks, and telling gossip from the Larry Sanders show, and they'll be able to buy things, like tapes of old shows that I've done before, and tapes of the band I was with, Mouth Congress, and stuff like that. Finding out just what's happening.

Kevin: Sounds like fun.

Scott: It's gonna be fun.

Mark: I'm looking forward to his next appearance on Muchwest, when he'll be reading a statement from his lawyer saying, "I have been required to say that I will *not* be gossiping about the Larry Sanders show, trademark HBO".

Terry: The music for the movie?

Bruce: Yes, music is a very important part of our lives.

Kevin: We're going to be getting together and playing bass, and Mark is playing drums...

Terry: There's a soundtrack shaping here, is there?

Mark: Yep.

Terry: It's part of the 90's Hollywood scheme to...

Mark: To jam as many singles from breaking bands into a CD as possible, thereby cross-promoting and cross-pollinating the interest in the movie.

Terry: It's a marketing ploy.

Mark: It's a marketing ploy.

Bruce: And like when a guy gets hit they play; "Hit me with your best shot".

Mark: And when a guy slams a door, it says, "I'm outta here you know I'm gone"...

Terry: So what do we know, what's shaped?

Kevin: Well,...

Terry: We're early on in this, I must explain...

(Terry then turns and pokes Kevin in the eye by accident. Kevin falls histrionically to the floor).

Terry: I'm sorry!

Bruce: Kevin's dead. Can we get the stand-in?

Kevin: (Gets up) I'm making my own website, it'll have all secrets about me, and the show I did in Washington, and gossip about Larry Sanders...

Bruce: BTO can't take a hit like that, eh?

Kevin: (Tapping microphone) Is this working, I know I am. The Odds have done 2 songs for the movie, Vancouver's own Odds.

Terry: And Morgan Fields?

Bruce: Hopefully they'll be doing something on the soundtrack.

Kevin: They're in the movie, there's a band in the movie, and they play half the band in the movie.

Terry: Oh yeah, it's an awards show?

Kevin: Yes, it's an MTV-like...

Terry: No it isn't!

Kevin: Sorry, a Muchmusic-like video awards show, yes.

Terry: And you are now a celebrity.

Kevin: Yes, I'm a celebrity, so I'll be giving awards with a beautiful Russian model Klemtor, played by Scott Thompson.

Bruce: Uh, I used to work at Canada Dry, and of course we were movin' litres at the time, and then 2 litres came in, and a lot of guys were scared, 'cause it was 2 litres, and I said to 'em, "Leon, Wayne Kudska, it's all pop. (Walks away).

Kevin: Bye, Bruce! Bye, Bruce! Hey Bruce, it's all pop!

Bruce: Yeah I know.

Kevin: It's all pop.

Terry: What a guy, huh?

Kevin: He really is, uh, I hope you got what he said, cause really hit something there.

Terry: See ya Bruce!

Kevin: It's all pop, Bruce!

Scott: It's all pop, Bruce!

Terry: What's the worst job you ever had?

Scott: Hmm... Oh, I was a waiter at this restaurant in Brampton, and the guy that was - oh my god, I can't believe I'm saying this - the boss used to like molest me all the time in the back kitchen while I made coleslaw. So the job itself was *okay*, it's just what went with it was pretty bad. And then about 5 years later, I saw him downtown, and he was sitting on a bench and he looked really drunk and out of it, and, okay - 2 years later he was busted for like, a ring of boys - oh my god, what am I saying - and he went to jail, and then he got out, and 5 years later I saw him downtown really drunk, and I kicked him. That's the worst job I ever had.

Terry: But it all worked out well.

Scott: Yeah, you know, it's alright cause I've told my parents about this recently, so it's alright.

Terry: You have a lot of these conversations?

Scott: This summer we've had a lot of them, yeah.

Mark: Good sound bite, too.

Terry: And you?

Kevin: When I was a kid I walked dogs, this family had 3 or 4 dogs, and the first day I lost two. And they were their two favorites: "Not Mimi, not Koko! You lost Mimi and Koko!" And I said, "I'm sorry, just... a cat..." and that was the worst job I ever had. Mimi and Koko, I lost Mimi and Koko.


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