Stalking

Transcribed by: Tlyco@aol.com
Cast- [depending on album version or Saturday Night Live version. Either way, same dialogue.] [Voice-Over: On the street; maybe a bookstore. Someone bumps into someone, playfully.]

Bruce: You again!

Woman: Are you following me?

Bruce: Why no. I'm stalking you.

Woman: Oh, really?

Bruce: Yeah.

Woman: The neighbors have been saying there was a man with a slightly crazed, yet focused demeanor standing for a long time in my hedge, neck pivoted to my window.

Bruce: Yup. That's me!

[Both giggle]

Woman: Well good.

Bruce: Great.

Woman:...well it's good to finally meet you.

Bruce: Nice to finally meet you.

Woman: So, how you been?

Bruce: Oh pretty good, you know-- same old, same old.

Woman: I guess you're not gonna ask me how I've been cuz you've been watching...

Bruce: ...I've been watching you.

Woman: Right.

Bruce: A lot...

Woman: So whatcha been up to?

Bruce: Oh ya know, not too much. The stalking keeps me pretty busy. And actually I've got a bit of a cold right now cuz it's really lousy weather for... stalking.

Woman: Can I ask you one question?

Bruce: Shoot.

Woman: Why *are* you stalking me?

Bruce: Because you are the one. You are the unspoiled virgin bride. You are the blond canvas on which I will paint my future. Don't you remember? You smiled at me once in a croissanterie. We never spoke; we didn't have to. You chose me. Now I stand outside your window waiting. I stand there and when you go to sleep I become calm. I can feel my heartbeat slow down, and beat...just...like...yours.

Woman: [giggling] Ohh! I get it; perfectly clear.

Bruce: Yeah, anyway.

Woman: See ya.

Bruce: Well, happy shopping.

Woman: See ya. Thanks and happy stalking.

Bruce: Thanks. Nice bumping into you.

Woman: See ya around.

Bruce: Hey you changed your answering machine code, eh?

Woman: My co...my code? Yeah. I have...I have to get going now cuz someone's waiting just to...

Bruce: Oh, okay. Sure. Really? Cool. Nice meeting ya. That went well. Yeah.


Credit to Bruce McCulloch/Atlantic Records/Saturday Night Live/Broadway Video/NBC