A Whole Lotta Kids in the Hall

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The Kids in the Hall Bible

by Angel Sewell

And now the Kids in the Hall Bible:
One day a God named Lorne Michaels
said this is what I'll do
I'll make a comedy troupe of 5
and send them to you.
They'll cross dress and wear wigs,
and women's shoes too,
but remember these are men
that do this for you.

There will be two women named Cathy,
one with a C and one with a K,
and a little boy named Gavin
who could talk away all day.

Chicken Lady and the Bearded lady must get laid,
The sizzler sisters aren't clearly insane,
and never forget Buddy Cole,
whose ambiguously gay.

There will be a man named Bellini
who's short and stout,
whose one main dish shall only be trout.
Poke him with a stick,
he won't move about,
I don't understand it,
you figure it out.

Misha, Headcrusher's best friend,
at first she seems drab,
she doesn't have enough money
to pay for this cab.

There's Tanya the temp
at A.T. and Love,
and don't forget flying pig,
who flies through the air up above.

There will be Sir Simon Milligan and Hecubus,
They'll live in the pit of the ultimate darkness.
There will be doctors and nurses,
some who treat Cancer Boy,
and headcrusher will flatten your head like a car over a toy.

There's Francesca Fiore and Bruono Puntz Jones,
and that damned Lopez, will never be home.
They'll be somewhat controversial,
and make a movie too,
but what of those that do not like them,
whatever shall we do?
Forgive them Lorne Michaels,
they know not what they do.
They'll probably go to hell after all,
for not liking the comedy of the Kids in the Hall.

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