A Whole Lotta Kids in the Hall

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by Natalie Mering


  • Kevin- Banana
  • Dave- Mango
  • Bruce- Strawberry
  • Mark- Tangerine
  • Scott- Lady

[4 men dressed in fruit costumes sit in a circle.]

[Lady Enters Holding a Blender and a clipboard.]

Lady: [as she writes things down on her clipboard] So, how is everyone doing?

All Fruits Mumble: Good...

Lady: [Looks up from her clip board] Really?

[All fruits look at each other.]

All fruits: What do you think?!!!

Mango: Yeah, what do you think?

Banana: I'm shaped weird!

Mango: Everyone wants to eat me! I was at the movies and some guy was nibbling on my elbow!

Tangerine: You have no elbows...!

Mango: OH SHUT UP MR. 'I'm the best fruit around here, yeah, I love being a fruit' GO JOIN SNAPPLE!

Tangerine: I HAVE problems too! It's not exactly my piece of pie!

Strawberry: D O N ' T   Y O U   D A R E   M E N T I O N   P I E !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Banana: But I'm shaped weird!

Lady: All right, All right, DON'T MAKE ME GET THE BLENDER! [All quiver in fear] That's why we're here. Now, Strawberry I can tell there's something the matter with you, please share it...

[Strawberry is in a chair rocking back in forth in anger.]

Strawberry: It's me.... I'm a GODAMN STRAWBERRY! It's so girlie! Everyone thinks I'm a girl!

Banana: I'm shaped weird!

Strawberry: At least...Banana's are manly!

Lady: Well, Strawberry, have you ever thought about changing your clothes? Strawberry looks down at his clothes: a red and white poko-dotted dress

Strawberry: well...ya gotta fit the part...

Lady: What do you mean by that?

Strawberry: If I dress in men's clothing...they'll think I'm a fag...anything but that!

Lady: Think about it...

Tangerine: Well, I'm happy to be my tangalicious self. [Sips something out of a coffee mug]

Mango: What are you drinking?

Tangerine: umm...Mango Tea...[ahem...]

Mango: How'd you get that! THEY DON'T MAKE MANGO TEA!

Tangerine: [looks around...then runs to the corner of the room and takes a big sip] FROM YOU! [Laughs evilly, and loudly...]

Mango: No you didn't!

Tangerine: From Mango particles! [Laughs evil laugh]

Mango: Then you're drinking my Dandruff!

[Tangerine takes another big sip then spits it out all over Banana.]

Banana: [crying] You guys are so friggin' mean! [Pouts...]

Lady: Settle down everyone, now!

Tangerine: Mango has Dandruff!

Mango: You're sour!

Tangerine: oh really, huh?

[Tangerine and Mango get up and fight.]

Strawberry: I hate my life!!! [Gets up and joins the fight]

Banana: [Stands up] Hiyyyaaa!!! [Kicks Tangs butt]

[The Lady gets really mad, then turns on a blender, everyone quivers.]

Lady: [as the blender buzzes] QUITE! KEEP UNDERCONTROL!

[They all scurried to their seats.]

Lady: Now, if you can't be nice to one another, there's going to be a consequence...

Mango: Yeah, I don't wanna be mixed with a sour fruit, like Tangerine!

[They all get in a fight again, then a black out.]


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