by Natalie Mering
[A little girl named Natalie sits in the principal's office patiently
waiting...then the principal enters and sits down.]
Natalie, I understand you really like...umm, Kids in the Hall
Well, I think you need to draw the line...you are quoting them
far too much and...Crushing heads isn't a very respectful thing
to do to Mrs. Bitzer...and the other teachers.
[mumbles sadly] ok...
I think it's time you took a break; I have already made the arrangements
with your mother...
[looks down at her feet sadly] ok...
[On the bus ride home, All Natalie could think about was KitH.
As she starred out the window...]
#1: Hey...you can't watch that show ya like anymore, huh,
#2: What's a Faggo?
#3: Does Evil really hang around us like cheap perfume?
#4: Why'd you do it?
[Then, right at that question, Natalie turned around to see four
wide-eyed children. She turned to the girl who asked the last
[She said in her best Francesca Fiore voice.]
[Mumbles] I must stop quoting them...must stop.
[Later that day: All she could do was hide in the corner...her
mother had hid the tapes!]
Gotta watch...gotta watch KITH...
[Then all of a sudden, she heard it. That familiar laugh...the
laugh of Buddy Cole! She turned around that instant to find Buddy
sitting on her nightstand.]
Don't you just LOVE my monologues? HA HA HA HA HA
[Natalie ran out of her room and then bumped into something UN
human...The Chicken Lady!]
Lady: I'm hot! Hot for you!
[Natalie covered her eyes and ran to the bathroom and hid in the
far corner of the bath tub her teeth chattering...]
[Then all of a sudden the Queen of England poked in her head!]
[She said in that Queen of England voice of hers.]
[She once again made a run for it and ended up literally falling
You should flush ya know!
AHH! I DIDN'T EVEN GO, LEAVE ME ALONE!
[She scurried down the stairs and slid into the front hall closet.]
[Then she rested her hand on something furry...]
[All of sudden Simon appeared with a dim candle.]
Welcome to the ultimate pit of re-runs! [Holds up a KitH tape]
[She then lifted up her hand to reveal Hecubus!]
I am Hecubus...and I'm an alcoholic.
[She darted out of the closet; She couldn't take it anymore! Then...they
were all gone. All of the characters...]
good! I'll just get my mind off of it...yeah, get something to
[She opened up the fridge, and then opened the bottom draw.]
[She opened it wide to find some pepperoni...and Cabbage. Then
the cabbage slightly moved...then it shifted and Cabbage Head
Head: I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE TONIGHT!
Ahhh! Stop! No no no!
[She ran into the breakfast nook to find the At&Love girls all
gossiping and drinking coffee.]
Oh no...no. No, no!
[Then the At&Love girls saw her and glared at her!]
YOU GAVE US DE-CAF!
yeah! Are you for real?
[The all of a sudden they threw their mugs at pour Natalie...]
[soaked in coffee] Please stop!
[Then the doorbell rang...She walked over to the door slowly,
Slipping away from the At&Love secretaries.]
[She answered the door.]
[still soaked in coffee] what??
[Then she realized it was Lex Hair!]
It's just a cake!
[She looked down at the cake Lex was holding to find it in a shape
of a saw...]
[She then decided to try the Back door, she ran through the dining
room where businessmen attacked her! They jumped around her in
a circle screaming, "Taxi, Taxi!"]
[She squeezed through them and ran through the back door. She
walked towards the car where she found Bruno Punz Jones and Francesca
Fiore seating in the front seat!]
I hate 'de car chases...
They're even outside! No!
[She ran into a small ditch and curled up into a little ball.]
[She then woke up the next morning to find herself covered with
chicken feathers, cabbage and Goats Blood. ]
I did it! I didn't watch 'em, I did it!
[Then she ran into the house in the kitchen.]
I did it...I'm not obsessed, I didn't watch them, I did it!
[Then she looked up at the fridge to find her mom had just hid
the tapes in the blue bowl...She looked around cautiously...then
jumped up and grabbed the tapes and ran down to the basement,
To watch them of course.]
I have fallen off the wagon...for I am a slave to KitH