A Whole Lotta Kids in the Hall

<< back to previous page

Bad Hospital

by Jeremy


  • Dave- Dr. Shaw
  • Bruce- Ted
  • Mark- Nurse
  • Scott- The Hospital Clown/Buddy Cole
  • Kevin- Sergant


[Ted lies on a bed while Dr. Shaw comes in.]

Dr. Shaw: Well, surgery is over, how do you feel, Ted?

Ted: I'm fine, Dr. Shaw! I feel like I could jump over a lake!

Dr. Shaw: GREAT! Because the surgery was not a success. Well, Bye.

[Dr. Shaw starts to leave]

Ted: WHAT! Come back here!

Dr. Shaw: What do you want?

Ted: What do you mean by the surgery wasn't a success?

Dr. Shaw: Well, before I operate, I like to get, like, REEEEALLY LOADED and, uh...well, it's a funny story but, we put some new diseases in your body.


Dr. Shaw: Sorry, most of the time, noone is affected.

Ted: How many did you put in?

Dr. Shaw: Oh....about...50.

Ted: Which ones?!?

Dr. Shaw: The usual....asthma, some blood diseases, some diseases that'll give you constant diarheea for like, 8 years.

Ted: Please tell me this is a joke.

Dr. Shaw: It's a joke!

Ted: Really! Great, you had me really think that you put diseases in me.

Dr. Shaw: We did.

Ted: LOOK! I could...could die!

Dr. Shaw: Well, your loss. Bye.

[Dr. Shaw starts to leave and a nurse comes in.]

Ted: Come back here!

Dr. Shaw: Oh, this is your nurse.

Nurse: Hi.

Dr. Shaw: Have fun, bye.

[He leaves]

Nurse: Now, I'm going to put some doses of Jam in your body.

[She injects it into Ted's arm]

Ted: What's jam?

Nurse: A mix of every illicit drug.

Ted: DAAAAAH! I'm gonna die!

Nurse: And here's something else for you.

[A clown bursts throught the wall and starts singing and dancing]

Hospital Clown: You are sick/ Very, Very sick/ and you're death is near/Here have some poison beer. [Squirts poison beer into Ted's mouth]


[Then a sergant comes in.]

Sergant: GET DOWN ON ALL 4's SON!

Ted: I can't. I'm in bed.

Sergant: Then have some window cleaner.[Pours a massive dose of window cleaner into Ted's mouth]

Ted: AHHHHHHHH! [Camera freezes and then goes to Buddy's bar]


[Buddy Cole is sitting on a stool drinking a martini]

Buddy: I personnally wanted to be in this sketch. I wanted to be the hospital clown but they gave him to Scott, he's adorable. Anyway, Ted did not die until his diarhea time ran out. I have his body on display here. See.[Camera shows Ted's body hanging from a stick] Everyone in the hospital now are work in a donut shop. Except for Dr. Shaw...Little Trubadoor come here.

[Dr. Shaw comes out in spandex with chains on his hands and ankles]

Buddy: Bad Boy.

["Build Me Up Buttercup" plays as the camera freezes on Buddy laughing.]

<< back to previous page

webring link traders fan fiction fan art
the kids in the hall their work their characters fans interact play site credits/contribute
shop site update list news archive home


webring fan fiction fans fan art link traders interact site credits play characters work the kith update list archive home home shop home