Bus Stop

by Steven Heinig

BRUCE AND KEVIN ARE STANDING AT A BUS STOP.

Bruce: (starts singing) I'm a little tea pot/short and stout/this is my penis/that is your mouth.

Kevin: That's not how the song goes, that's not how the song goes, that's not how the song goes!

BRUCE SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS IN RESPONSE.

Bruce: (changes pitch and dances) I'm a little tea pot/short and stout/this is my penis/that is your mouth.

Kevin: That's not how the song goes, that's not how the song goes, that's not how the song goes!

BRUCE LOOKS ASHAMED UNDER KEVIN'S SCRUTINIZING GAZE.

Bruce: (begins to sing again) I'm--

KEVIN EYEBALLS BRUCE HARDER.

Kevin: Here step off -- let someone sing this song right... (sings shrilly/dances) I'm a little tea pot/short and stout/this is my tea cup/that is my--

Bruce: (cutting him off) Bear!

Kevin: That's not how the song goes, that's not how the song goes, that's not--

KEVIN DOESN'T SEE THE BEAR STANDING DIRECTLY BEHIND HIM UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE. THE BEAR QUICKLY MAULS KEVIN, THEN TAKES OFF ITS BEAR MASK. IT'S MARK.

Mark: (starts singing/dancing) I'm a little tea cup/short and stout/this is my penis/that is your (high note) mouth.

BRUCE STEPS OVER AND SHAKES MARK'S PAW.

Bruce: Wow, I really had trouble with that last note...that was really good.

Mark: Thanks. Say do you mind if drag you friend's lifeless body back to my den and feed him to my cubs?

Bruce: Sure. Hey there's a Flyers versus Toronto game on right now, do you have cable?

Mark: Don't. My wife ate the cable guy last week and now they're refusing us service.

Bruce: Bummer. Well see ya.

Mark: Hey, what about your bus?

Bruce: Oh, I wasn't waiting for a bus, I was just waiting for a bear to eat that guy.

AND WE: FADE OUT