Sex Girl Patrol - The Continuation

by Heidi

(In a bedroom far, far away on the planet Whoredirt, three girls in scant clothing are jumping on their bed, having a pillow-fight)

Monique: This round of Sexgames is the SEXIEST yet!

Trudie: The feathers from the sexpillows are falling down my dress...

Ginger: And look...(she points to the window where a scary old man is gawking at them and taking pictures) Even Mr. Henderson is being pulled in by the forces of passion!

Trudie: But where is Sexboy?

Monique: I sent him into the kitchen.

Trudie: To have sex?

Monique: No...to make toast.

(Sexboy is heard fumbling around in the kitchen)

Sexboy: Ooh, the bread is getting so HOT...Oooh...(there's a buzzing sound) OW!!

Ginger: Oh no, Sexboy got a sexburn from the sextoaster.

Trudie: (jumps off the bed) I'll get the ointment...

(Meanwhile, in an old, abandoned Burlesque house, an evil guy wearing an eyepatch is giving a speech to his gang of cronies...)

Captain Sexpirate: Arr, tonight is the night where we shall take all the powers away from the Sex girl patrol! Then, once having it all collected, we shall use it for our OWN sexual purposes! Yarr. This be a good plan.

Crowd: YARRR!

Captain: Sexboy alone has the sexual powers of 50 male strippers who bear striking resemblences to Fabio. Arr, what we could do with that booty...

Crowd: (utter various "Arr!"s in agreement)

Captain: Come friends, to the...DE-SEXINATOR!

(They follow him to a large, bulky machine with a giant red button on the console. It's labeled "PUSH TO DE-SEXINATE". The captain laughs maniacally and pushes it)

Captain: No more Sex Girl Patrol! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA---aghk...ichk! (he starts coughing) Yarr...I be needin' my inhaler.

(Meanwhile, back at Sexquarters...)

Monique: (eating a piece of an erotic cake) This cake is SEXYLICIOUS.

Ginger: Thank you. I used a SEXY ingredient.

Monique: What's that?

Ginger: Mostly...nutmeg.

Trudie: Ginger, Monique! (She holds the back of her hand to her forehead)

Ginger: What is it, Trudie?

Trudie: My sex...is gone!

(Ginger, Monique and Sexboy from the kitchen gasp)

Ginger: So is mine...

Monique: And mine!

Sexboy: But not mine! (There's another buzzing sound) OW!! Wait, there it goes...

Trudie: This could be the work of only ONE man.

All: Captain Sexpirate!

(They all run out the door to the old, abandoned Burlesque house. Meanwhile...)

Captain Sexpirate: Arrr! The De-Sexinator has collected their sexual energy. Tonight, I shall become the SEXIEST BITCH IN THE WORLD!

Crowd: Yaaarrr!

(Suddenly, the girls burst through the door, Sexboy on Trudie's shoulders)

Trudie: (moans as she tries to balance him) Sexboy, you should cut down on the sextoast.

Monique: Stop right there, Captain Sexpirate!

Captain: Sex Girl Patrol?! Arrr, this be pretty bad...SEXPIRATES, ATTACK!

(The angry crowd advances on the girls and backs them into a corner. It seems there's no way out!)

Ginger: (points in front of her) Look!

(The crowd slowly turns around to see a giant Rabbi roaring and shooting red sparks out from his eyes)

Captain: Megarabbi?! But, we made ya walk the plank in the middle of the Atlantic sea! Arr, ye can't have survived!

(The Rabbi edges closer and closer to the screaming Captain Sexpirate...)

Captain Sexpirate: AAAAGH!!! AAAAAAGH!!

(Mass destruction ensues. Back at good ol' Sexquarters, everyone's partying to a Right Said Fred album)

Monique: Our sex is back!

David Letterman: (pops up suddenly) And how! ROWR!

Ginger: Who let HIM in?

(Sexboy starts whistling innocently)

All: Oh, Sexboy...

(Everybody starts laughing and pillowfighting, all except for Mr. T, who sits and stares at the wall)

Ginger: Sexboy, you invited Mr. T, too?

Sexboy: (In a pouty voice) Wasn't me...

Ginger: Well, it wasn't ME.

Monique: Or me, either.

All: Trudie?

Trudie: Uh...(she starts walking into the kitchen slowly) I'm going to get some toast... (there's a buzzing noise) OW!!

THE END