Heaven: Pros and Cons

by Andrew Bridgman

Cast-

• Dave -Himself
• Kevin- Himself

[Dave and Kevin are sitting in a diner]

Kevin: I bet heaven is great.

Dave: No, I bet it sucks.

Kevin: Excuse me? How do you figure?

Dave: Okay, look at it this way. In heaven, we have wings, right?

Kevin: That's what I hear.

Dave: Where do you think they come from?

Kevin: I dunno. Where?

Dave: Bird heaven! God plucks off their wings and gives them to us! I couldn't handle the guilt of destroying a bird's.......afterlife.

Kevin: That's it?

Dave: No! Ya know about those clouds everyone walks around on? Well, when there's a rainstorm, then the lightning'll come and we'll get electrocuted!

Kevin: Yeah...

Dave: And back to the wings! Eventually, we're gonna start to malt, ya know!

Kevin: Is there anything good?

Dave: Not that I know of.

Kevin: Okay, that settles it, let's start sinning! Hell sounds a lot nicer.

[The two take out guns and start shooting people around them.]