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Satan, Lucifer, and Devil: Devout Christians

by Andrew Bridgman

Cast-

  • Dave- Father Juniper, a sulken priest
  • Bruce- Satan, small boy with a kind heart and misleading name
  • Kevin-Lucifer, small boy with a kind heart and misleading name
  • Scott-Devil, small boy with a kind heart and misleading name
  • Mark-God, a grown man with an evil mind and a misleading name

[Father Juniper is behind his desk drinking a large bottle of whiskey and shaking his head]

Father Juniper: SATAN! SHOW YOURSELF AND QUIT TORMENTING ME!!!

[Satan walks in, wearing a Boy Scouts uniform and smiling]

Satan: Yes, Father?

Father Juniper: Huh? Who are you?

Satan: My name is Satan.

Father Juniper: But I know you, you're the boy who donated $300 dollars and both of his kidneys to charity. You're probably the most devout member of the church, you've never even killed a man! Your name is Satan?

Satan: Uh-huh!

Father Juniper: Okay, fine, I won't even ask WHY you're named that, but I was not talking about you, I was talking about Lucifer, he's destroyed my life.

Satan: Oh........LUCIFER!

Lucifer: (from another room) What?!

Satan: Father Juniper wants to see you!

[Lucifer skips in, humming merrily]

Lucifer: How may I help you, Father?

Father Juniper: What? Oh, I get it. Anyway, I was talking about the devil.

Lucifer: Oh okay..........DEVIL!

[Devil walks in, wearing a halo and white robe]

Devil: What is it that I can do for you, Father?

Father Juniper: What? What the hell is going on? Your names are Satan, Lucifer, and Devil?

Satan: Yes!

Lucifer: Yes!

Devil: Yes!

Father Juniper: Oh.......whatever. Anyways, you children can go, I just was cursing the Prince of Darkness for destroying my life. None of you are named "The Prince of Darkness," right?

Lucifer: Nope.

Satan: Well...

Father Juniper: Well, what?

Devil: Well, that was our dad's old name, now he calls himself "The Father Formerly Known as the Prince of Darkness." It's nearly impossible to get a vanity plate with that name on it.

[Father Juniper drops his head and starts sobbing]

Father Juniper: Oh God....

Satan: GOD! Get in here!

[God enters, smoking a joint with a bloody knife in his hand]

God: What the hell do you want?!

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